A shy child needs to feel supported by those close to them, not to hear these unpleasant remarks.
As parents, we’ve all been there: watching our hesitant child at the edge of the playground, wondering if he’s going to take the leap to join the others, and ending up throwing a clumsy “Stop being shy”. We regret it instantly, and for good reason: this attitude is really counterproductive, worse, it can harm our emotional development. Shyness is a state of fear, of insecurity at a given moment. It is not a character trait, but a feeling that is difficult to control, so there is no need to drive the point home. And it’s up to us parents, when we can, to provide a safe atmosphere to help our child cope.
We are going to share with you 10 phrases that “shy” children hear frequently (and adults too, for that matter). Words that seem harmless enough on the surface, and they’re usually said with a smile by well-meaning adults, but the effect of these words goes much further than we think.
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Sentences that may seem harmless
- “Stop being shy”
- “You gave your tongue to the cat?”
- “You can talk to me, you know. I won’t bite you”
- “Don’t you want to play with all the other kids?”
- “One day, I hope you come out of your shell.”
- “You should smile more.”
- “You’re so serious. Don’t you want to have fun?”
- “You are so discreet that I even forgot you were there!”
When he sees an adult looking at him impatiently and saying these words to him, the child will be even more embarrassed. He feels immense pressure and can no longer manage his emotions. These words can hurt, but there are ways and ways to say them and the impact will not necessarily be the same. However, how to reassure a shy child? By showing him precisely that his shyness is not a fault but a strength. “You are very observant.” “You’re good at noticing things.” “I’m glad you’re here.” To come back to the issue of the child who does not dare go and play with others in the playground. Turn the question around and say instead: “I think these children want to play with you, what do you think?”. Opening the dialogue with your child can allow him to reveal more easily what he feels.