Who said that to take pleasure, there must necessarily be penetration? When we know that only 18% of women * reach orgasm during penetration, we say to ourselves that it would be silly not to test other means of ascending to seventh heaven. Here are 10 to explore.
In couples – especially heterosexual and cisgender – penetration is often central to intercourse. Know this: you can enjoy sex just as much, and even more, without penetration. And if vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, vaginismus or any other disorder can lead some partners to move away from penetration, some couples deliberately choose to think outside the box, finding there a different source of pleasure and sometimes more enjoyable. Here are some suggestions for taking pleasure without penetration.
Use non-penetrating sex toys
What if you used a non-penetrating sex toy? Tenga eggs are designed to stimulate the glans penis – each one has a different texture inside, to stroke it in different ways. These are not just toys for men and people with penises. Try flipping one over your fingers and using it to stroke the clitoris and lips. You can also use sex toys to stimulate parts of your partner's body other than their genitals. Try incorporating a vibrator into a sensual massage by moving it up and down along your partner's spine, for example. Contactless clitoral stimulators also provide a completely new sensation, without penetration. Instead of vibrating, they send out pressure waves that attempt to mimic the sensation of oral sex.
Do a (very good) erotic massage
Massage can be a great way to share an intimate moment with your partner without your genitals touching. Indulge in a sensual massage and feel free to add massage oils, special massage candles, and a sexy supplement that it wouldn't get in a classic spa … You can pass your massage to a higher level by introducing a temperature game. Lelo massage candle transforms into massage oil which can be used on the skin.
Test the dry humping or frotti-frotta
The dry humping consists of rubbing against your partner, keeping your clothes on, without going as far as penetration, for a gradual rise in desire and maximum arousal. This regressive rubbing is practiced as well in two as alone. Cushion, armchair …, if “humping” remains taboo (like female masturbation in general), it is often the first discovery of pleasure for young girls, and a very pleasant way to reach orgasm for many women. When you indulge in two, do not hesitate to rub on other areas of the body than the genitals of your partner (his leg, his hand, his arm …), to increase the desire. This form of pleasure is not just for women. Men too can achieve enjoyment by rubbing their penises.
Play hotdogging
Speaking of rubbing his penis, hotdogging is inspired, as the name suggests, by the hot dog, that American sandwich made with a covered sausage placed between two slices of bread. In its ass version, this little sex game consists of rubbing his penis between the buttocks of his or her partner. Simple, but original and above all very exciting, hotdogging is very popular with couples who want to indulge in different erotic games and get out of penetration. To achieve enjoyment, it is possible to maintain the buttocks of his or her partner to tighten the passage at the time of the back and forth of the penis. The woman can caress herself at the same time and exercise clitoral stimulation using her hands or a sextoy.
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Masturbating each other
Reciprocal masturbation allows couples to step out of their comfort zone and get to know each other better. It can be practiced in different ways: by fondling each other in front of the other, or by masturbating each other at the same time. Masturbating to each other is intimidating for some people and requires complete trust in your partner. ‘‘Communication is important to put the words down, to say what you like, what you don't like, to set your limits '', confided Alexia Bacouël, sexologist in an article on the subject. It is also an opportunity to test different sextoys for two: for example, invite remote-controlled toys to your lovemaking to give control of your body to your partner.
Getting into tantric sex
Tantric sex invites you to no longer focus on penetration, enjoyment, or performance (3 pillars still present in sexuality). Female orgasm, or male ejaculation, are no longer goals in themselves. To learn about this practice that dates back several centuries, focus on the other's body, in its entirety, and not just on the genitals or so-called erogenous zones. ‘‘In Tantrism, sexuality is a path of exploration and discovery. The sensations resume their place, we are "here and now", in the moment rather than in a fantasy, a scenario, an expectation. It's all fun! ’’ enthuses Nathalie Giraud-Desforges, sex therapist and tantra workshop leader. ‘‘Tantra is in an aspect that goes beyond procreative sex (the penis in the vagina), it is not gendered, these are encounters in which judgment has no place '', continues the expert.
The Karezza method to make love without penetration
Derived from tantrism, the Karezza method (caress, in Italian) invites partners to snuggle up against each other and to caress each other for a long time. In other words, she prioritizes what we usually refer to as "foreplay": caresses, kisses, massages, cuddles … and puts them at the heart of sex. To do so, you would have to snuggle up against each other, look at each other, touch each other, stroke each other or even take the time to listen to yourself breathe for at least twenty minutes. These long-lasting caressing sessions produceoxytocin, the hormone of love, attachment and trust.
Daring cybersex
Ally of couples at a distance, cybersex opens the field of possibilities without having to touch each other. A few naughty words, a masturbation for two, a sexy stripping … by text or video, let your imagination run wild to make love through interposed screens. Not to mention the connected sextoys, which will (almost) give you the impression of having sex in real life.
Getting excited through dirty talk
Talking is way more exciting than you might think. The dirty talk, this sexy language, consists of whispering naughty words to your partner to raise the temperature slowly but surely. If you've never tried this with your partner, take your time and go at your own pace. It can start with simple moans, little ‘ah’ or ‘oh’ ’well placed. Don't use trashy, raw words if you don't like it. Keep it simple but effective by describing what you like: I like it when you … ’’, or it’s good ’’. And if that really intimidates you, you can always try sexting and set up a naughty script by texting: ‘‘ When you get home tonight … ’(we'll let you imagine what happens next).
Attempt Kunyaza without penetration
Another possible option for sex without penetration: the Kunyaza method. This century-old technique from Central Africa consists of stimulating the nerve endings of the vulva with the glans of the penis, fingers or a sex toy. When the woman or person with a vagina is aroused, her partner rubs her penis up and down the vulva, then left to right, and then zigzagging – always coming back to stimulate the clitoris.