13 character traits that people who felt constantly criticized as children develop as adults

“The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice,” said Peggy O’Mara, former owner of the magazine Mothering. She wasn’t really wrong… “Childhood is a critical period for development“explains Beth Pausic, clinical psychologist, to the media Parade. “On an emotional level, this development includes the formation of personal identity, learning emotional regulation, the development of social skills and emotional resilience. Although this developmental process is influenced by multiple factors, the ‘one of them is our relationship with the people who care for us’.

Children who feel safe and supported are more likely to have healthy relationships with themselves and others. THE children which, on the contrary, are constantly criticized can end up internalizing these remarks and repeating them to themselves: this becomes their own inner critic. “If a parent or other caregiver is constantly critical, it can create the basis for unhealthy behaviors and a negative self-image“, indicates Beth Pausic. It may also cause them to exhibit many (or all) of these 13 traits that people who felt constantly criticized as children often exhibit as adults.

1. Low self-esteem

As a child, you were constantly told that you didn’t deserve love, kindness, or respect (verbally or through actions that spoke louder than words). So the lack of self-esteem you may feel as an adult is not surprising. “It makes sense that you believe in these things, especially if you have no other choice,” believes Erisa M. Preston, a licensed clinical psychologist. Signs of low self-esteem, she says, are poor eye contact, slumped posture and difficulty defending oneself.

2. Perfectionism

If failure was not tolerated in your childhood, it is natural to strive for 100% success in everything as an adult (even if we know that perfection does not exist). “A child who grows up learning that what he does is never good enough will try to meet impossibly high expectations and standards to please those who care for him,” reveals Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, psychologist and media advisor to the Hope Foundation for Depression Research. “This is why you may have high demands on yourself and struggle to finish things until they are perfect”.

3. Inner self-criticism

Inner critic is a pet peeve of people who were constantly criticized during their childhood. “Criticism from caregivers can become something the child continues to do throughout their life.” assures Beth Pausic. “Often, these adults are harshly self-critical and have difficulty breaking this pattern.”

4. Difficulty accepting compliments

Negative self-talk can make it difficult for positivity to enter your life, even when it comes from people you love and respect. “When someone constantly criticizes you, sincere compliments may seem confusing or undeserved.”, says Gayle MacBride, psychology professor and member of Veritas Psychology Partners. According to her, if you or a loved one constantly responds to compliments with phrases like “It wasn’t that good. I could have done better”you need help healing your inner child from constant criticism.

5. Being hypercritical of others

People who were systematically put down as children aren’t just harsh on themselves. According to Erisa M. Preston, they may also constantly look for faults in others or assume the worst in people without giving them the benefit of the doubt. It’s all part of a vicious cycle that is difficult to break. “From childhood, we learn that it is normal, expected and acceptable to speak to people in a derogatory and derisive manner”analyzes the expert. “If this is what you have predominantly experienced, you will believe that these are normal and appropriate ways to communicate with others”.

6. A hyperdefensive attitude

People who were frequently criticized as children may feel like they are constantly under a microscope and that the people who care for them only see their faults. “As a result, you learn to anticipate these criticisms, defend yourself at all times, and protect yourself in ways you might not have been able to when you were a child.”, says Doctor Preston. So you may find it difficult to accept constructive feedback, even if it can improve your life.

7. Wanting to please people

Do you have trouble saying no to outings that don’t really interest you? Do you have the nagging feeling that you are the last person on your list of priorities? You certainly suffered from criticism when you were little. “A child who has been frequently criticized may try to please others or anticipate someone’s needs in order to avoid any appearance of negativity.”deplores Gayle MacBride. “He will then have a tendency to prioritize the needs of others rather than his own, while having difficulty setting limits”.

8. Autonomy

While autonomy is an admirable character trait, “there is a limit to how much a good thing can be too much”nuance Professor MacBride. “These people become independent and resourceful, but may also have difficulty trusting or connecting with others. They have learned that they are the only ones who can care for themselves, and as a result in fact, they function more like a ‘lone wolf’ than the others”. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help when you need it!

9. Social anxiety

Anxiety, including in society, is common among people who spent their childhood in a very critical environment. “Growing up with constant negative and critical comments can cause us to experience a lot of social anxiety as adults. And for good reason, we never know when we are going to receive a nasty remark,” explains Dr. Lira de la Rosa. “We then spend our time worrying about what others think of us and fearing upsetting them”.

10. Comparison

Comparison is what can keep you from being happy (and it’s a problem many people struggle with). “Children who are constantly criticized will be too likely to compare themselves to others because they may not have learned to trust their own skills and abilities.”indicates Ernesto Lira de la Rosa. “As adults, they may constantly compare themselves to others and blame themselves for not being like them, because they don’t feel good enough.”.

11. Constantly apologizing

Telling someone “I’m sorry” can be necessary and important. However, repeating it every day, all day, in any situation can be a red flag. “Children can learn to apologize to survive in a very critical environment”declares Ernesto Lira de la Rosa. “They may continue this behavior into adulthood and apologize for making mistakes or just being themselves.”.

12. Trust issues

Trust is a key element of relationships. However, people who grew up under constant criticism may have difficulty establishing it. “When a child’s parents are always critical, it can be difficult for them to trust the intentions or motivations of others.”says Gayle MacBride. “Humans are a deeply social species who need belonging and connection. Criticism tends to provoke shame and disrupt the sense of belonging. These children, as adults, may therefore be cautious in their relationships and have difficulty forming close bonds”.

13. Difficulty regulating emotions

You may have grown up hearing phrases like “Relax” and “You’re too sensitive” (even though stress, anger, and sadness are completely normal). While childhood is a time of learning to deal with your emotions, you may have been bullied. “If children don’t learn that their emotions are valid and normal, they may have difficulty regulating them as adults.”, summarizes Doctor Lira de la Rosa. Moreover, “When children grow up in a very critical environment, they may have difficulty regulating what we call ‘negative emotions.’ They may feel them very intensely and don’t know how to self-soothe in those moments.”

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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, couple, sexuality, social networks…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world…