The days are getting darker, the trees are bare, the people are more deceitful and the music is getting worse – four reasons why our author says: “I hate Christmas!” And she has 20 more.
Every year, when the first gingerbread cookies are put out in the supermarkets, something completely different stands up on my neck: the hairs on the back of my neck. Because even though gingerbread is supposedly an autumn pastry and therefore goes on sale at the end of August, I associate it with one thing (just like with speculoos, marzipan potatoes, etc.) above all else: Christmas – that Festival of lies and the worst time of the year!
I Hate Christmas: 24 Reasons Why
1. Darkness
The Christmas and Advent seasons are the darkest weeks of the year (darkest day in the Northern Hemisphere: December 21st). And the smell of mulled wine and chip fat with cinnamon and cloves from the Christmas markets has never helped me personally against winter depression…
2. Cold
Dry heating air, dressing for a quarter of an hour when you want to go out, hunched, cramped shoulders and, in the worst case scenario, ice and slush on the streets – sheer horror!!! Of course, the holiday itself is neither dark nor cold, but I associate both with it – and unfortunately the festival of joy makes it damn difficult for me to disappear to the southern hemisphere these weeks. Because:
3. Expensive trips
At the beginning of December or January I can get to Miami and back for just under 400 euros. If I fly over Christmas, I have to shell out almost 1,000 for it. And we have a similar picture when it comes to accommodation. Thank you, Christmas holidays!
4. Family
Schwiemu, the missing brother, aunt, great cousin and every member of the family, no matter how distant – everyone who doesn’t get in touch all year and doesn’t answer suddenly expects at Christmas that you’ll be treated to harmony and cohesion. Pfff.
5. Lying people as far as the eye can see
It’s not just in the family that the pretty halo of hypocrisy is put on: Suddenly neighbors who you didn’t even know lived below you are wishing you a happy holiday. And thousands of people discover their conscience at short notice and donate to starving children in the third world or the last unicorn in Namibia. Sure, that makes up for the cheap goose from Aldi and the four kilos of plastic waste after giving it presents…
6. Christmas decorations
Unnecessary stuff that may distract drivers, waste energy (keyword: Christmas lights) and cause waste (in production, disposal and in general). You’re doing it, Earth, right?!
7. Advertising from Hell
Creativity off, Christmas advertising on. Are student interns always allowed to work in the marketing departments during Advent or what is going on there?
8. Wham
Whenever I hear “Last Christmas” I wish for something like eyelids, but for the ears. Unfortunately, other Christmas music isn’t any better.
9. Stress
Christmas parties, family gatherings, buying presents, decorating, cooking, only 20 percent of colleagues in the office and all of this with a maximum of six hours of sunlight – sounds more stressful to me than contemplative, peaceful and holy.
10. Eating sprees
Christmas Eve raclette, Christmas Day goose, Boxing Day potato salad with mayo and in between stollen, chocolate and biscuits. Personally, I feel super uncomfortable when I eat a lot and just sit around. And when I think about the starving children in question, I find stuffing themselves until they can’t eat any more to be doubly unpleasant.
11. Christmas markets
As I said: kitsch, drunks, wham and the smell of fries – the Christmas market is not my thing.
12. Gifts
Giving away vouchers, perfumes and socks just because December 24th. is? Appreciation and attention is different! You can always give something personal, no matter the date.
13. Church
At Christmas, the church, Christians and Christianity are particularly present (for whatever reason – it is now more of a commercial festival than a religious one) and as an atheist, this annoys and disturbs me, it’s just too much for me – for several reasons that apply here lead far.
14. Compulsory vacation days
Since I have nothing to do with the church: Why do I have to do all my work on December 23rd? under stress and hectic pace when I don’t want to pray at all on the 24th?! Wouldn’t the state rather finance a few additional flexible vacation days that I can take in the summer to lie down in the park?! (Yes, that also applies to Easter, Pentecost and what not – I find it totally stupid.)
15. Advent calendar
Garbage, junk, stress for parents, unnecessary. In the past, when children couldn’t have as much chocolate as they wanted, it was certainly different, but now it’s gotten to the point where the poor kids have to unwrap a present every day. (Why poor? Because the problems of people who were spoiled as children aren’t exactly funny.)
16. Christmas trees
I repeat myself: You’re doing it, Earth, right?! Seriously: The whole of humanity shares one problem: that our planet can’t handle all of this much longer! But we still cling to traditions that destroy it. Just why?
17. TV program
I wouldn’t care if I wasn’t forced to pay for it (broadcasting fee), but the Christmas program always particularly fuels my hatred for this forced fee.
18. Christmas movies
And three to four slots in the cinema program are blocked by Christmas films for weeks. Excellent …
19. Garbage
Of course, where there are gifts, Christmas decorations and food sprees, there is also a lot of easy-peasy, avoidable rubbish.
20. Peer pressure
Celebrate, give gifts, decorate, eat gravy with dumplings, just because everyone else does it. When I think about it (which Christmas forces me to do every year at the latest), it just makes me sad how uncritical and easy to control we are (me in particular too, by the way: I’m generally the last one to leave at Christmas parties).
21. Closed shops
You have some time off and can’t go shopping. Annoying!
22. Abandoned authorities
And finally applying for a new person is not possible either.
23. Longing for childhood
Sure: As an unreflective child, I thought Christmas was great (I still think it’s okay as a celebration for children today, as long as it’s environmentally friendly and moderate). My parents usually flew south with my sister and me (my father was self-employed and there were the fewest cancellations over Christmas, so the expensive flights were worth it). Now only my mother is there and without my dad I feel particularly sad at Christmas.
24. Christmas Hangover
Well, when the holidays are over and everyone has eaten their fill, the rude awakening comes. Overflowing garbage cans, lots of junk that you were given as a gift and now have to exchange or take to the basement, red numbers on your account, dead fir trees on the street corners and so on. And in the end, it was mainly the corporations whose sales skyrocketed that won. Not that I have anything against that, but I just wish the world worked differently – without Christmas, for example!