psychology
These 3 mistakes are preventing you from breaking bad habits
© Svetlana Timonina / Shutterstock
Getting rid of bad habits is incredibly difficult for most of us – because we are mainly caught in three common misconceptions. High time to clean it up!
Smoking, picking our nails, a chocolate bar after lunch or the glass of wine in the evening that always makes us so lazy the next morning. Don’t we all have at least one habit that really annoys us? And which, despite insight and iron discipline, we simply cannot get rid of? Maybe it’s because we’re getting the wrong approach to weaning – for some misconceptions about habits are at least as stern as the habits themselves.
3 mistakes in thinking that keep us from sticking to bad habits
1. “I just have to want enough, be disciplined, and grit my teeth.”
In order to get rid of negative habits, we need above all discipline and willpower – many think. But they did the math without our brain! That drives us permanently to do things that trigger positive emotions (joy, lust, enjoyment). But because discipline, renunciation and clenching your teeth are not fun, our brain is transposed with such a weaning approach. Maybe we will manage to do without the chocolate bar once, twice or three times, but if it all costs us strength and effort every time, we can think about whether Snickers or Bounty should relapse …
How are you doing better? Quite simply: We make our brain our partner in crime – by offering it positive incentives and rewarding us for every success. For example, we can party really badly and pat on the shoulder every time we endure the boring meeting without finger-poking. Or we note it lovingly and colorfully with hearts and smileys in the calendar. Such small measures are often enough to convince our brain that life is much happier without the annoying habit.
2. “The habit is not good for me.”
Most try to motivate and convince themselves to break a habit by considering its negative consequences and repercussions. But that’s exactly the wrong way to go. Sure, if we smoke or eat too much sugar, it has a negative impact on our health and is not good for us. But every habit brings something positive, otherwise we would not have started it. A portion of good mood thanks to a serotonin kick, a stress valve or security – behind every habit there is a need that satisfies it.
How are you doing better? Do not see the habit as a hostile burden, but first make friends with it, accept it and explore what it brings us positively. Then we can either do something about the cause (for example, if the habit is a stress valve, we should reduce our stress if possible) or think of an alternative to satisfy the need.
3. “Habits make you unfree.”
The more habits we have, the less free we become, so should we never replace one habit with another? No, no, and once again no. Habits, routines, rituals are great things so that we don’t have to constantly think about it and restructure our lives. Lock the door, tie your shoes, make coffee first thing in the morning – that clears your head for ideas and creativity. And so habits that annoy us also give us a fixed framework that releases other capacities.
How are you doing better? Instead of necessarily wanting to give up a bad habit, we can think of a replacement habit that is better for us. It might not sound like an equivalent substitute, but when we’re looking to drink less wine, it’s a lot easier to have a glass of grape juice instead than nothing to pour yourself.