Constantly arguing? Even with people you actually love from the heart? If so, we have just the right trick for you!
Let's not fool ourselves: Arguing is part of life. If you stand up for yourself and have healthy relationships based on values such as trust, honesty and respect, you will inevitably also have a good time with your fellow human beings. But hardly anyone would argue that he likes to fight. Especially when the Zoff is also about little things that are not really worth arguing about when viewed from the light …
Small problem: It can be difficult to determine whether a dispute is justified or superfluous. In the heat of battle and overwhelmed by emotions, we do not look at things in the light, but rather see them through a kind of fog of defiance, fear, anger, hurt pride, stuck views and much more. But this fog can be cleared up with a single question: "Will I be interested in that in a year?"
In less than three seconds the matter is clear
In most cases, we can answer this simple question within a few seconds.
- Will I still be interested in a year from the fact that he won't help me with washing up today?
- Will I be interested in a year from my girlfriend putting me on a date?
- Will I still be interested in a year from who forgot to pay the bill?
If we answer the question with "Yes!" answer, the dispute is based on a deeper conflict, which we should deal with or not and somehow manage. On the other hand, we answer the question with "Nope!" (which will probably be the case in the majority of everyday disputes), we can just as well settle the dispute – because then it obviously has no real relevance for our lives.
The 3-second question trick is, of course, of no use to anyone who is fundamentally concerned with winning and being right. However, this person should also be aware that in the long term they may win all of their arguments – but most people who are important to them are likely to lose.