4 habits that are preventing you from making real friends

Relationships
4 habits that are preventing you from making real friends

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Some people seem to have many acquaintances but few close friends. It could be because of these habits.

Social contacts are important for long-term health and happiness. How many friendships and acquaintances we maintain is of course up to us – and it is very individual how many of these bonds we feel comfortable with. But it doesn’t matter whether you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert: Basically, we humans need other people.

As children, we often make new friends in a matter of minutes simply by sitting next to one person at school or playing soccer together. As an adult, it’s not that easy anymore. We are very busy at work, we may have a family and other commitments – friendships quickly slide further down the priority list. Still, some people seem to find it easier than others to make friends. Are you also one of those people who only have a few real friends and instead cultivate rather casual acquaintances? These habits could be to blame.

Typical habits of people who have few real friendships

1. You are not there for your friends

Friendships are give and take. We expect our friend to be there for us when we are feeling down or when we need support. Conversely, this also means that we have to be there when our counterpart is in need. Whether it’s lovesickness or an upcoming move – our friends should have the feeling that they can always rely on us. This is the only way real bonds can develop.

2. You don’t really care about others

Imagine your friend telling you in detail about her planned trip or about her son’s adjustment to kindergarten over a glass of wine together. Do your thoughts quickly drift away because you don’t really care what she shares with you? Are you just waiting for your turn to talk about your last date?

The older we get, the more our realities of life sometimes deviate from those of our friends. Some have children, others focus very much on their job, others have completely different interests. Even if you don’t particularly care about the details of a new mother’s life because you don’t know much about children, listen to your friend and make her feel like she has everything to share with you.

3. You are inflexible

Balance plays an important role in friendships. It’s not about you calculating exactly who pays for which coffee or who visits the others and how often. But it’s important for your friendship that you both make compromises. Your girlfriend lives outside, you live in the middle of the city? Neither of you should expect the other to always take the path, it’s best to take turns. Your buddy goes to your favorite steakhouse every time you meet up, even though he’s a vegetarian? Make sure that you are flexible and ask him which restaurant he would like to go to.

4. You are not tolerant

The corona pandemic was a breaking point for many friendships. Not only because contact restrictions have partially prevented us from being able to meet our friends. Also because the different perspectives on the pandemic and the associated political decisions have pushed the tolerance of many people to their limits.

Everyone sees the world through their very own glasses, colored by experiences, imprints and thoughts. In relationships – and especially in friendships – we should therefore exercise a certain degree of tolerance. Even if you don’t see certain things exactly like your boyfriend or girlfriend, you shouldn’t deny him/her your own point of view. Real friendships should also endure differing opinions on certain topics.

Sources used: gedankenwelt.de, yourtango.com

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Bridget

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