psychology
You’re not selfish? Then these statements certainly don’t apply to you
© djoronimo / Adobe Stock
Sometimes the image we have of ourselves doesn’t exactly reflect our actual personality. For example, these signs suggest that you might be a little more selfish than you think.
Many people associate egoism with a bad, unsympathetic quality that they definitely do not want to associate with themselves. This is fundamentally understandable and honorable, as it implies that those affected would like to be compassionate and considerate, that they would like to be there for others, stand up for them and that they do not want to harm anyone with selfishness and self-centeredness. Being a good person is a beautiful wish. However, self-deception and a distorted self-image can prevent us from fulfilling it.
If we’re so afraid of being even remotely bad – selfish, for example – that we convince ourselves we’re not, we won’t be able to adequately address some aspects of ourselves. Because we don’t see them. We cannot develop further, we cannot become the person we want to be.
The following are signs that you may be a little more selfish than you think. That doesn’t mean that you are reckless and bad and bring ruin to all your fellow human beings. Maybe you’re just closing your eyes to a side of yourself that scares you. But she doesn’t have to do that. Because if you don’t want to be selfish, there is a high probability that you will be able to handle this side well if you face it.
4 signs you’re more selfish than you think
1. You don’t think you’re selfish at all.
To be sure, it’s a question of definition to some extent, but if we understand egoism as selfishness and self-centeredness, it would be difficult for most people to completely absolve themselves of it – and that’s okay. After all, we have to take care of ourselves and in some situations we have to think about ourselves before we can be there for others. And as a rule, we can do it best: After all, no one knows our needs better than we do.
That being said, many of the actions we take in the interests of other people are to some extent selfish. It makes us feel good when we take care of other people or make them happy. We invest in our relationships, which ultimately (also) benefit us. But does it make a good deed bad if we also benefit from it? No. It just makes them more selfish than we may have admitted to ourselves.
2. You don’t think that you draw conclusions from yourself about others.
Almost all people first draw conclusions from themselves, because our own experience and perspective is inevitably our primary source of information and reference. However, we cannot expect this approach to enable us to understand and respond to other people. Because their experience and perspective is different from ours, and sometimes very different. We can certainly put ourselves in other people’s shoes to a certain extent and try to take on their perspective, but the best way to do justice to another person is to engage with them and listen to them – and really listen. However, if we are not aware in advance that we are drawing conclusions from ourselves about others, we will never make the effort to truly respond to them. This unintentionally makes us selfish without us realizing it.
3. You feel like you don’t have to do more than apologize.
Who doesn’t want to leave unpleasant experiences behind them? Who doesn’t want to be able to clean and repair everything with a magic word? Unfortunately, it’s not always that easy. Even the most sincere apology coupled with the willingness to forgive cannot erase an event and its traces overnight. If you view it as resentful when a person behaves differently towards you after an injury despite your sincere apology, you may have less empathy than you think.
4. You are sure you don’t owe anyone anything.
Of course, it’s not selfish to pay off debts, return favors, and make amends – and make sure you don’t owe anything. However, the view or belief that one does not owe anyone anything is self-centered and self-serving. For example, we forget that we owe everyone respect. And that we can be kind and generous towards everyone without expecting anything in return or making up for it. We owe it to others to treat them the way we wish to be treated. It’s completely normal that we forget this here and there in everyday life while we fight with our own demons. But it also makes us more selfish than we realize.
Sources used: psychologytoday.com, hackspirit.com