communication
5 unnecessary sentences that poison every relationship
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There are a few really stupid sayings that fuel conflicts unnecessarily – or can cause them in the first place. If they fall frequently, even the strongest relationship can no longer stand it at some point. So we should get used to these phrases very quickly.
We all slip out something that hurts or irritates our counterpart. That is part of human communication. But there are a few phrases in the “well meant aren’t always well done” category that actually only make a situation worse – no matter how good the intention was. In the long term, such communication faux pas can poison any relationship, regardless of whether it is a partnership, a friendship or a professional collaboration. You should better refrain from these sentences.
You can save yourself these supposedly helpful sentences
1. “Calm down!”
The classic. I dare the bold thesis that the sentence “calm down” has never made a person really calm down. On the contrary: As a rule, this spell only fuels the excitement or anger of the person to whom it is addressed. Because this sentence just always seems condescending and suggests: “I’m deeply relaxed, only you’re artificially upset here. Better be like me”. And in which situation should this be helpful?
2. “You don’t understand that anyway.”
Of course, we can never really empathize with situations that we have not (yet) experienced ourselves. But if that means we are no longer allowed to talk to people who have experienced things that we have not experienced, human existence would be pretty sad.
As a childless person, for example, it would of course be a bit presumptuous to want to tell the new mum how best to breastfeed her baby. But nevertheless, the childless girlfriend can and wants to just listen and be there for her girlfriend. Hitting her in the ears that she couldn’t understand it anyway because she doesn’t have any children herself is hurtful – and poisons the friendship in the long run.
3. “That’s not so bad.”
Who decides how bad a situation is? Exactly: The person who is currently experiencing the situation themselves. So if someone from the outside puts in the supposedly reassuring saying “It’s not that bad,” that’s presumptuous. The person who is sad, angry, or disappointed right now will certainly not feel any better if they are denied the right to decide for themselves how the experience feels for them.
4. “I told you so.”
When something went wrong or we failed, we usually know it ourselves. And we can certainly remember that someone advised us not to do it beforehand. The fact that this person is now smearing this on our bread and butter is anything but helpful.
Telling someone who is already disappointed or angry that all of this could have been avoided if they had only listened to this clever person does no one any good – except for the ego of the adviser. If you can’t resist saying such things when your partner, friend or colleague is not doing well, you will probably soon no longer be involved in the life of this person – and rightly so.
5. “You always do…”
Oh yes, the lovely generalizations with “always” or “never”. They are always (yes, here really ALWAYS) poison for every relationship. Because if we want to explain to our counterpart that something bothers us, we should formulate this message exactly like this: from our point of view.
So when we want to offer constructive criticism—which is definitely part of a healthy relationship—we should say, “I don’t feel good when you do xy” rather than slamming the other person in the head, “you always do xy.” . Because that hardens the fronts, and the person will probably block the accusation immediately without even really listening. This will not get you any further in the concrete conflict, nor will it do the friendly, romantic and collegial relationship any good in the long term.
Sources used: thehealthyjournal.com, editionf.com, inc.com