Heartbreak can be brutal and (very) painful. But it is not impossible to overcome them. According to a coach specializing in romantic encounters, here are 5 tips to follow to heal instantly.
You may still not realize it, but it’s real: he or she dumped you. THE couple, love, cuddles and weekends as a couple, it’s over. Between the tears, the denial, the anger, the spoonfuls of ice cream and the (much more numerous) outings with friends, you are now… in the middle of heartache. A breakup can be very painful and emotionally draining, especially if you thought you would spend your life with this person.
Whether there were warning signs or not, the announcement of the separation can be a total shock. Like falling from a 10 story building. And the worst part of all this is that you can’t forget your ex and move on (probably because you still love him). Even though it’s hard to believe (because the pain now seems insurmountable), you can learn to recover from a Broken Heart and to heal from pain. Here’s how, according to 5 tips from Sandy Weiner, dating coach and founder of Last First Date.
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1. Cut off all contact
Don’t hang out where your partner usually hangs out, don’t go to places where you’re sure to run into them, and avoid activities that they do regularly. The same goes for Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, your emails, your phone, etc. Don’t stalk him on social media or dating sites. Believe it: you don’t want any signs of his presence in your life. The less contact you have with your ex, the less he will obsess you.
2. Stop talking about him or her
At first, especially if you’re the one who was dumped, you’ll probably want to talk about your ex. You will ruminate. You will dream of it. And then you’ll talk about it again. Your friends will listen to you until they can’t anymore. Some will be kind enough to tell you that you should stop. Listen to them and stop saying his name. The less you talk about him or her, the less he or she will be present in your mind. You will eventually stop thinking about him or her and move on to something else.
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3. Fall in love with yourself again
Find activities that will help you take your mind off your ex. Learn a new skill or take up a new hobby. Have you always wanted to take up photography, drawing or cooking? It’s now or never. Take the trip you dream of. When you take care of positive things for yourself, you start loving your life again. This is what will help you fall madly in love with yourself again. Good self-esteem is the best way to avoid dating people like your ex again.
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4. Don’t date “bandage” people
It’s easy (and tempting) to jump into a new relationship to forget your ex. But don’t do it! Too many people jump into a new romance way too quickly after breaking up…only to end up separating or divorcing again a few years later. It’s a shame. Remember that you need time for yourself. So take it.
5. Do a love detox
Take the time to analyze the relationship and learn from it. Find out why you chose this person, why you chose to stay, and what you may have done to contribute to the breakup. Don’t beat yourself up and practice self-compassion. “I suggest waiting about a year after a long-term relationship ends to start dating again. It may seem like a long time, but you need time to heal,” concludes the coach.
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