6 phrases that adult children would like to hear from their parents, according to experts

The older children get, the more you might think they are old enough to fend for themselves. However, regardless of age, children will always be emotionally dependent on their parents.

Because a poor family relationship can alter the mental health of children and taint their future, it is essential to establish a climate of trust, respect and empathy so that they feel supported and loved throughout their life. their life. To do this, there are simple phrases that can soothe their pain and improve the relationship you have with them. Here are 6 examples.

1. “I’m sorry”

According to the therapist and author Jor-El Carabello, this sentence is the one that adult children most hope to hear from their parents. The specialist declares to Huffpost that new generations are increasingly thinking about the impact that certain choices their parents made had on them as children. “In some cases, these choices posed problems for their mental health. Being able to be validated and receive an apology from their parents would be a huge win for adult children looking to break some negative family cycles and move forward with their lives with better mental health.”, he explains.

Apologizing is important for the child because it allows them to more easily heal from certain wounds that can affect their future well-being. Apologizing also allows him to understand that sometimes you have to put your pride aside and admit your wrongs to move forward peacefully in any relationship. Without this, the marriage and family therapist Arielle Dualan believes that this can cause a certain discomfort in the child: “Some parents have difficulty recognizing unintentional or intentional injuries they may have inflicted on their children at any stage of their lives.” She says that apologizing helps children mature and make them understand that their parents are not perfect and that to err is human.

2. “I was in “survival” mode”

The role of parent is tiring and can often lead to words or actions that can hurt the child and leave him with certain psychological consequences. Glover Tawwab, therapist and specialist in relationship issues, believes that justifying your anger or impatience to your child can help them understand the emotional burden you feel as a parent. So, this makes him realize that it’s not entirely his fault.

“Recognizing things and being able to talk to them can be very healing for the adult-child relationship” specifies the therapist. She indicates that this clarification can give both the child and the adult the opportunity to eliminate “unsaid things” and thus promote complicity between the parent and their adult child. “Having difficult conversations with your parents and having them acknowledge your experience as a child can be healing and repair the relationship.“, explains the therapist Gayane Aramyan. She underlines the fact that it is important for the child to keep in mind that the parents are from another generation and that they were not always educated in the same way. As a result, they are not always aware of the emotions or communication skills expected of their children.

3. “I’m proud of you”

Regardless of age, children attach great importance to their parents’ judgment. Throughout his life, he will accomplish great things in order to make his parents proud. This is why it is important, as a parent, to express your pride to your children and not only note the negative aspects of what you have undertaken.

By emphasizing the negative points too much, parents can generate in the child a fear of failure and therefore of abandonment. And for good reason, he will be afraid of being rejected if he disappoints you. According to specialist Carabello, by formalizing pride, we can give children the desire to surpass themselves and be the best version of themselves. It can also boost their self-confidence and help them assert themselves.

4. “Your life path is different from mine but I support you”

What parent hasn’t dreamed of their child following the same path as them? While the road to success may be the most tempting for children, the fact remains that they are free to do what makes them happy, no matter what you think. Telling your children that you respect their choices can be a real relief for them.

“This affirmative declaration recognizes the individuality of the adult child’s journey and affirms their autonomy in their life choices.”, says therapist Morales Daitter, “This conveys parental acceptance and validation, promoting a sense of empowerment and emotional well-being.”. It is therefore important for children to hear this gratification from their parents so as not to doubt their own choices and to be able to fully flourish.

5. “Would you rather I listen to you or give you advice?”

Parents are often children’s first confidants. However, it is important to keep in mind that just because the child confides does not mean he wants to receive advice in return. It is therefore important to make your child understand that you are there for them no matter what and that you understand if they do not ask your opinion on a subject.

As a parent, you must keep in mind that children will face challenges throughout their lives and that you must accept the fact that they make bad decisions: this is part of learning life. Asking your child directly if they are looking for a listening ear or advice lets them see that you are open-minded and respect their decision, whatever it may be. By imposing your judgment, you risk distracting him and pushing him to make a bad decision on purpose just to provoke you. Be educational and diplomatic and take into account the fact that your age gap can lead to divergences in terms of way of thinking.

6. “I’m always here for you”

Expressing to your child that you are and will always be there for them will allow them to be reassured and feel supported no matter what. Therapist Carabello explains that parental work does not end in adulthood, quite the contrary. He also insists on the fact that a parent must accompany their child throughout their life so that they do not lose their bearings: “Determining the right boundaries while maintaining an active presence is a delicate but important task”, he said.

Even if the child grows up, the support must remain unchanged: parents must only adapt to the child’s transformation and accompany them at every stage of their life. The fact of feeling supported must appear obvious to the child throughout his or her life. He must be able to tell himself that this will never change, no matter what happens.