7 Things Bereaved Parents Wish Their Colleagues Would Do When They Returned to Work

Do it grief of your child is complicated and even seems insurmountable for most parents. Whether it is a miscarriage or a stillborn child, parents often have difficulty coping with the loss of a child whom they will never have the chance to know and see grow up. This situation, which causes deep sorrow, is often difficult to understand in the community. work.

Still considered a taboo, miscarriage is awkwardly discussed (if not completely ignored) by the majority of people who have not experienced this loss. To promote healing, here are 7 things parents wish their colleagues would do when they return to work.

1. Acknowledge the loss of the person

The first mistake is not considering miscarriage as the loss of a real person. Given the sensitivity of the situation, many people tend to think that they should not talk about it and act as if nothing had happened. However, a simple expression of condolences can be very useful for the mother or father.

Talking about your experiences allows you to speak out and support the person. If you are not knowledgeable enough on the subject, you can do some research on your own to provide support and help the person cope with their grief. According to’American Psychological Association (APA), social support allows parents to heal more quickly and feel less alone. “Not only does this validate them during the darkest time of their lives, but it lets them know that this is someone who will not hesitate to talk about their child and that there is a safe space for them to keep their memory alive” explains Amanda Adams, clinical social worker. The fact that colleagues take the first step allows bereaved parents to be understood and to feel supported.

2. Ask questions

When parents grieve for their stillborn child, they often feel like they are not understood, or even judged. However, it is well known that the best way to heal from your wounds is to talk about them. This is why you should not hesitate to ask questions to parents so that they share their experience and so that the subject is not taboo.

Don’t hesitate to ask one of the parents if they want to talk about their loss and how they feel, it can really be liberating for them. If it doesn’t make him uncomfortable, ask him about the baby: What did you name your baby? What special items from the memory box did you bring home from the hospital? When was he born ? We must not forget that a miscarriage remains a birth regardless of the circumstances, so be lenient and understanding towards the parents.

3. Do not try to put the person into perspective

Phrases that begin with “at least” are often the most disrespectful to grieving parents because it implies that you are not validating their emotions and that their situation is not that serious. “Any statement that begins with ‘at least’ takes the conversation away from the trauma and pain the person has experienced”, says Carol McMurrich, founder and director ofEmpty Arms Bereavement Support. By starting your sentences with “at least”, you invite parents to focus on the positive, which is far from achievable during this complicated period.

The best thing is to recognize the pain and difficulty of the parents’ situation by trying to put yourself in their place. You can start by apologizing and offering your condolences to show them your support and let them know that you are available if they wish to confide.

4. Know the type of loss suffered

Before consoling grieving parents, it is important that you find out about the nature of the loss. It is important to differentiate miscarriage from stillbirth in order to provide effective support to the bereaved person.

Showing parents that you have done research will warm their hearts and make them feel supported and understood.

5. Remove the employee from parenting-related mailing lists

Something seemingly futile that can nevertheless make a difference. Parental mailing lists can be the result of additional heartbreak because they bring back bad memories.

To avoid this type of inconvenience, do not hesitate to filter the grieving parent for a certain period so that they are not confronted with newsletters which could increase their grief and remind them of the child they no longer have. .

6. Be understanding

Although it is difficult to truly understand what a bereaved parent is feeling, it is necessary to be understanding. “It’s important to recognize that many people simply don’t understand how deeply parents are affected by the death of a baby. Particularly when a baby dies before birth, people usually assume that the parents’ grief will be mild or short-lived, because, after all, the parents never really knew that child.” explains Déborah Davis, developmental psychologist. Even though this situation appears abstract for many people, it is still important to show them that you understand their grief and to validate their emotions.

To be understanding, try to put yourself in the parents’ shoes and try to imagine what they might be feeling. Imagine yourself in their place and understand the fact that these parents will never be able to experience their first smiles, their first teeth or even their first days of school.

7. Be sensitive

Being understanding is not enough, you also need to be sensitive, take into account the parents’ feelings and keep in mind that they may find it difficult to get back to work and manage the pressure.

According to Dr. Davis, it can be difficult for the parent to concentrate and complete tasks quickly and efficiently. Don’t complain to them about your children for example, carefully choose the topics of conversation discussed with them and avoid any allusion to parenthood (unless they decide to talk about it themselves). The best thing is to tackle light topics in order to take their minds off things.