Education does not only protect against unwanted pregnancies and illnesses. It has social relevance because it is about equality. Most of all, what we should teach our children about sex are these things.
A wooden penis, a condom, about thirty giggling pupils and a biology teacher who wanted to get the subject of sex education over the stage as quickly as possible – this was roughly how the sex education classes were organized in the 1990s. Dr. Summer taken over. Most parents were uncomfortable with the topic, and very few of us have even spoken to them about such topics. No wonder that so many of us still walk around the world with a partial knowledge of our genitals and sex. Our children grow up differently. Instead of Dr. In the summer, porn does the educational work. Unfortunately, that doesn't make the half-knowledge better, on the contrary. It's no longer just about sex, but above all about boundaries, self-confidence and body awareness. And because we want to empower our children, these topics also belong on the kitchen table:
1. No means no!
The most important things first: Regardless of who is getting intimate with whom and what situation you are in: if someone says no, you stop. Far too often a no is ignored – the first time, the second, third, and fourth. We have to teach our children that no one has power over their bodies, that no one can take that power, that we have to defend ourselves against those who believe they can use it. Far too often, women and girls in particular simply take part because their no is ignored or they don't dare to say something. Instead, they prefer to let it go. Isn't that terrible? That is why we not only have to empower our girls to stand up for themselves, but above all sensitize our sons.
2. What is happening down there?
What happens in our body during ovulation, menstruation, morning latte and ejaculation? What are the names of the individual genitals, what do they look like and how does a baby come about. All of this should not be discussed behind closed doors and with bees and flowers, but openly and without shame, because there is nothing that anyone should be ashamed of. Especially not we women, although our whole intimate area suggests that. But that will only get better if we parents start to put aside our own shame, look at it down there together and speak Tacheles. Vulva, vulval lips, clitoris, penis, testicles, fallopian tubes, uterus, urethra, ejaculation, anus, foreskin, glans … The more relaxed we deal with the topic, the easier it is to ask our children questions. And that's what we want to be: the first point of contact, isn't it?
3. Hairy affair
Ouch? What is sprouting there? Clear-cutting on all parts of the body has become so normal that our children are ashamed if one or the other hair suddenly appears during puberty. We were still proud of the first armpit hair, but today everything is quickly shaved smoothly again. At least we women seem to come into the world with a razor, men are far less ashamed and just let them grow, while with us it is still an unhygienic no-go and super unsexy to have hair anywhere other than on your head. And meanwhile we have become so used to this ideal of beauty that the normal is abnormal. But please everyone should be able to decide for themselves whether, how and where something is shaved, plucked or waxed without having to be ashamed when it comes to the point. But only if we normalize body hair again do our children have the choice of how they want to wear their hair.
4. Talk about porn
It is pounded like there is no tomorrow. The man pushes his penis into all of the woman's openings, while she lets everything do with him and also finds it really good to have his best piece in her throat until she vomits. And otherwise it is almost exclusively about penetration and ejaculations. Unfortunately, porn has now arrived in the schoolyards and is taking over what is still Dr. Sommer did, but unfortunately completely wrong. We'd rather not start with power structures and misogyny. But that is precisely why it is so important that we as parents take countermeasures and explain how sexuality really works. And that is certainly not just in-out-in-out at competitive sports pace.
5. Equality in bed too
Sex is not a one-way street that ends in a dead end when it comes. Women also have a right to the satisfaction of their needs. To dare to express ourselves, we parents lay the foundation stone by removing the taboo on the subject of sexuality and getting it out of its dirty corner. Of course, you don't have to go into detail, but by encouraging your children to always address things that are sometimes uncomfortable, they also deal with such topics more openly and, above all, dare to ask questions.
6. Contraception is not just a woman's business
Unfortunately, contraception is still a woman's responsibility. Except for the condom and sterilization, there is nothing a man can do while we manipulate our bodies with hormones and have things inserted into the vagina, at our own expense, of course. It should go without saying that contraception happens as equally as possible and that the costs and responsibility are shared.
7. We all look different
There is no such thing as a standard breast, a standard vagina or a standard penis. Every part of the body is unique, larger, smaller, straight, crooked, full, pointed, asymmetrical. Unfortunately, this is so rarely shown that we often believe that we are deficient when something about us does not correspond to the ideal, which we are still too often led to believe in films, porn and advertising. Hardly anyone really looks like that. It is all the more important to convey a healthy body image and to explain to our children that everything is good about them.