What can not my child do, what other people his age can do? This is the deadliest of all mum questions. Eight reasons why you should not compare your child with other children.
As a mother you can not help but compare your child with other children. This is not surprising, after all, it is teeming on the Internet, books and magazines just from rough guidelines when a child has to do something.
The first word children say after about a year. The crawling is already learned between the 6th and 10th month of life. Between eight and ten months, the average baby pulls up and learns to stand before starting to run between the tenth and twelfth months.
The baby competition and the worries of the parents
However, the baby competition starts much earlier when moms compare the baby’s weight, height or circumference. And he goes on for a long time, such as when the child begins to count, read and write, followed by the ambition that his own child achieves the best results in school or sports.
But why do mothers and fathers do this? It is probably a mixture of the survival-of-the-fittest idea and the worry that one’s own child can lag behind in something, which gives him a disadvantage later in life. But that is actually the case in the very rare cases.
Children develop individually
In reality, each child develops individually, at its own pace. According to experts, mothers should trust their children that they will learn everything at the right time. How long a child sleeps, how much it wants to eat and how much it is interested in other children (or not) does not depend on its age, but primarily on its personality. Every child is different, has different strengths and weaknesses. It is sometimes in the “average”, sometimes above, sometimes below.
Here are eight reasons why you should not compare your child with other children:
- Every child is individual and deserves to be loved and accepted as it is.
- Are you comparing your child, giving him the feeling of being flawed – that leads to low self-esteem.
- If you compare your child, you put it under pressure automatically. Maybe it just is not that far yet. Give him the time it takes.
- Children who are compared to other children early on feel compelled to adapt. You can not develop freely in this way.
- Every person needs the feeling of “getting enough.” If you point a child to its shortcomings, it will make you feel you are not “enough”.
- Children are oriented towards their parents, they want to make them proud. But they are not there to please their parents. It is enough if they like themselves. If children are compared with each other, they get the feeling that they have to meet their parents’ demands.
- A child compared to others never learns that it is okay to occupy the second, third, or even last place. It will believe that you always have to be perfect – which can increase the risk of burnout later in life.
- If you compare your child, put it in a drawer. “My child started talking late” – and he is one of those who lag behind.
Relaxed parents, relaxed children
Do not be proud if your child is “average”. Be proud that your child is unique! Maybe it only started to run later – maybe it started earlier to grab it. Maybe it can not count to ten, but by heart already his favorite verse. And maybe it still does not sleep through, but it’s already a great place to build sandcastles.
Each child has their strengths and weaknesses, learning at their own pace. Not only do we help them when we stop endless comparisons, but also ourselves. The more relaxed we are of watching our children’s development, the more we can enjoy our time together – and get to know the characters of the little ones as they are …