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9 New Year’s Resolutions That Are Funnier Than Losing Weight
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Tired of fooling yourself along the lines of “this year I’ll manage ten kilos”? We neither! That’s why we now have much better things in mind for 2023…
by Marie Stadler
1. Rediscover the times after midnight
When was the last time we ate a doner kebab at three in the morning, or did you put a frozen pizza in the oven? It’s time for a revival…
2. Introduce a family dance
Every stupid startup does team building. Why not study a weird dance move as a family? Helps out of most crazy disputes quickly. By the way, it can also be done without children.
3. Buy another board game or card game
Because it’s really fun to discover a new game. It’s so easy to forget in everyday life. Tips from the editors: Hold on, Werewolves, Wizard, Cluedo and for the really die-hard: Cards against Humanity.
4. Going to the pool and sauna every week like a pensioner
You don’t have to have time, you have to take it. And looking around in the sauna is, in case of doubt, more fun than watching Netflix. Especially as a retiree. At least that’s how we imagine it. And hopefully someday it will be possible again.
5. Spend more time in libraries (or just books at first).
Because it’s so sacred and because you find yourself a lot wiser then, which also helps with the next point, namely:
6. Thinking you’re pretty horny, even with ten pounds more
Studies have shown that feeling great about yourself makes you very happy. Completely independent of whether you are really that great. A bit of megalomania will do us a world of good in 2023.
7. Sleep longer, shower shorter (and while we’re on the subject of water: DO NOT PRE-RINSE!)
Because sleep (yes, even five minutes!) is the ultimate guarantee of happiness and standing in the shower for a long time is simply no longer possible in 2023, if only for environmental reasons. By the way, you save even more time for all the beautiful things in this world if you put your dishes in the dishwasher as dirty as they are. It can do that. Reducing the proportion of “pre-washers” by just 5% in Germany could save more than 760 million liters of water per year – which, figuratively speaking, corresponds to the entire amount from Lake Wannsee per year. And if washing less isn’t a great resolution, then we don’t know what is…
8. Trying some totally crazy new positions in bed
Ever heard of the Horny Unicorn? No? Then it’s about time, folks… If it’s not cool, trying it out is at least fun. Either way, the unicorn promises fun in bed.
9. Stop whining
Because that’s the absolute best resolution you can make anyway. If you complain less, you are healthier, happier, more popular and we wouldn’t be surprised if you gradually lose ten kilos lighter.