Nora, two sons (10 and 12)
"We are finally in a good mood at home again! If I had known this, I would have split up much earlier"
"All just a phase," I thought when our marital problems started. The fact that this phase lasted a few years felt tiring and grueling – that's how I look in photos from back then: wrinkles, cloudy eyes, unmade hair. Sunk in the everyday life of a marriage, in which it was only a question of who is to blame for what, who did not do what and never does anyway. When was the last time he asked me how I was?
When was the last time I was interested in how he is doing? And then I broke up. Rather: struggled to it.
I realized that this "phase" is clearly taking too long. At first, I found myself selfish to take the father away from the children. But it still exists, the three see each other regularly, their quality time even increased. And in the past I also organized organizing the children's everyday life because "Papa has to work" (me too, by the way, just like that). We are finally in a good mood again at home! If I had seen that coming, I would have split up much earlier. I now have 24 hours just for myself on dad days. I can go out, play sports or eat ice cream on the couch. A new man won't come into my house anytime soon.
At most as a bonus man for said 24 hours. Then it's just about us. Because the neck hair of the man of my dreams would also be raised at the thought that someone would drive up to him with the furniture truck and maybe spoil his mood.
Iris, two daughters (16 and 18)
"'I love a woman, I have to leave you' – that even made sense to my husband. Today I have a friend again"
The marriage to Stefan broke the moment our first daughter was born. On the one hand, from one day to the next he left me alone with everything – the baby, the household, my worries and fears – and somehow did his own thing, although we were still officially a couple. On the other hand, he developed an aggressive dominance, shouted at me and the children, and popped us down. I let it happen and didn't even try to go back to my job. He was the boss, I was his housekeeper. Then I met Eva, girlfriend of a friend, lesbian and immediately in love with me. What can I say: I started an affair with her. And suddenly everything was easy. "I love a woman, I have to leave you" – that even made sense to Stefan. Eva and I did not stay long together, but are good friends today. As soon as Stefan was gone, I blossomed: I rearranged the apartment, painted the rooms, wrote applications. Today I have a job and a friend again. My daughters broke off contact with the father.
Mila, a son (10 years)
"When I suggested couple therapy, he laughed at me. So I went alone. So I managed to move out."
When I first met my husband, it was love at first sight. He was clever, charming and eloquent. I paid for his move to Hamburg because he had no money. I took it for granted because I loved him. At the very beginning, a bailiff stood at our common door. Since I was the one with a permanent job, I paid off his debts. Because my small salary was not enough for both of us in the long run, we were looking for an idea that we could implement together. We set up a festival, he was a registered company founder. I put my entire inheritance, 100,000 euros, into our company. Did the accounting, hired employees, all without salary and without official function. We always had the house full of guests. As a trained hotel manager, I wanted to be the perfect host. We now had a young son. It was extremely exhausting. My husband was constantly dissatisfied, had tantrums, and stayed overnight. When I suggested couple therapy, he laughed at me. I was afraid to meet him every morning. I kept crying. In the end, I went to therapy alone. Fortunately: This is how I managed to move out with our son. I have waived spouse support. I didn't want to give my ex power over my life. I do everything to get our lives in order, feed us with small jobs. But I keep it with Buddhism. "Difficult times in life are there to grow," it says.
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