In 2021, women are still being judged on their role as mothers, while men are not entitled to the same backfire. A difference in treatment that Kallysta Farall, a mother of two, wanted to highlight on Twitter. She testifies for Aufeminin.
In an egalitarian world, women would not have to justify themselves on their daily lives, nor on the education they choose to give to their children. They also wouldn't have to feel guilty about living their lives, as they see fit.
No, all of these decisions are no one's business. Moreover, why would women be the only ones to be criticized? Why do you congratulate a man for doing some household chores when it is just common sense. Why do you praise a man for cooking when his wife does too?
On Twitter, a user highlighted these differences in treatment in a tweet: “A father goes on vacation for a week with his friends: 'He's right, it'll do him good'. A mother goes on vacation for a week with her friends: 'You realize! She leaves her children for 1 week! The father is really nice to accept this! ', she writes.
A tweet which aroused strong reactions and was shared more than 600 times by Internet users.
The post also echoed for Kallysta Farall, a 32-year-old mother of two and freelance author, who replied to this net surfer's tweet in a thread. “At the end of his training, the darling gave me a spa weekend with a girlfriend, while he took care of the 2 parasites (the little one was 5 months old). Everyone said he was super brave to do that.
On the other hand … I, who remains alone all week (boarding training, he only returned on weekends) during the 6 months of his training (at the end of pregnancy and then for the first months of the little one, while managing the big one) , no one told me I was brave.
Ah and of course, all his colleagues congratulated him in the mode "you're too nice to do that, I couldn't have". So yes, it was nice, but it was especially necessary because bibi she had hit the colic head alone + dysphoric breastfeeding. Taking care of your partner is not "nice", it is normal and necessary ", she writes.
A double standard in parenthood
The young woman confides to face sexime regularly, in particular from those around her. “I first reacted to a tweet telling of the difference in treatment received by a young mother and a young father who takes a few vacations. I recognized myself in this difference, this double standard ”, she says.
According to her, society always seeks to make women feel guilty in their role as mothers, while men are portrayed as heroes. “Many would like the mother to sacrifice herself out of total self-sacrifice for her children, to allow herself to be devoured by her role as mother. And if she does something wrong, or we consider that she is not doing enough, then she is a bad mother ”, she confides. “While the men are applauded because they play with the children, because they pick them up twice a week from school or because they change a diaper. We always say "they are doing their best", "that they are very kind to help" … The bar is so low for them and so high for us.”
"We must stop infantilizing men"
In order to establish equitable work-sharing at home, she has deliberately chosen to leave certain chores abandoned in order to encourage her partner to do them, as she explains: “At home there are some things that I don't do voluntarily anymore. I don't take care of the laundry anymore. I don't ask him to do it, I don't remind him of anything. If he forgets, well we have no more clean clothes, and that will be his fault. We must stop infantilizing men by telling them what to do ”, she confides.
For her, women must stop putting pressure on themselves on a daily basis. It is normal not to have time to do everything. The schedule cannot be followed by the rule and that's okay. “You can't be everywhere at the same time and you have to get into the idea that a clean and tidy house is not compatible with having small children”, she emphasizes. “So instead of running around so that everything is perfect and that the child always has a "fulfilling" activity to do, we lie down for 10 minutes and do nothing while letting them get bored a little. Boredom is good for the imagination, and nothing is good for young mothers ”, she concludes.
It is important not to manage everything on your own, do not hesitate to take time for yourself to recharge your batteries when you need it. Also, consider taking turns with your partner to prevent one of you from getting overwhelmed.