A little praise for the marital transition

THE SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA

Did you have a sumptuous vacation? Yes ? Marvellous. I announce to you that they are finished. The latest figures concerning the sexuality of French women fell the day before yesterday: 41% no longer have sex, 35% are sexually dissatisfied and 28% are unhappy in a relationship (Ifop / The Poken Company survey). Knowing of course that we can be satisfied with abstinence, often make love while remaining unhappy, etc.

In case the diagnosis remains unclear: the morale of the troops is not high. In times of pandemic, this vast drop in libido should not surprise us. But Covid-19 alone is not enough to explain a trend that has been present for decades: that of tripping over monogamy. Because if we put in the same basket the sexually demotivated people, the divorced and the unfaithful, we would find the vast majority of the French. Hence this paradox: even as monogamy is presented as the choice of obviousness and simplicity, most of us are breaking our teeth.

Faced with this observation, there are two ways of reacting. The first is to cover yourself with ashes and announce the end of history. We would be too petty to love, too narcissistic, too spoiled, too distracted. Civilization would be dead. The couple are said to be dead. The family would be dead. In fact, only the undertakers would not have died.

The other way of seeing things is less pessimistic – and less theorized: we are perfectly capable of loving and of engaging (these values ​​remain fundamental in Western societies), but we are going through a period of transition, which will lead to new torque models. If this period disturbs us, it is because the pressure changes create turbulence. It’s normal. And it doesn’t matter.

New torque models

Why are we transitioning? In my opinion, quite simply because of the fact that our love practices have changed faster than our love models. In fact, there is currently only one model: pure and hard monogamy® with fidelity © engraved in stone ™. When we fail to fulfill this contract, we feel like we are inadequate.

Personally, I believe that the model is unsuitable. In particular because it takes no account of the recent historical context, and more precisely of the demographic transition. Less mortality and less fertility mean infinitely more durable couples and infinitely freer women. Faced with such a radical change in lifestyles, it would have been necessary, for monogamy to hold, for desire to be elastic. Biologically, it is not (it lasts between six months and three years). Culturally, it would have been playable, but we do not make any effort (we would have to eroticize the seniors, take care of the libido of women … so many revolutions not even started).

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