Confined on their own, love at a distance can sometimes become hell for couples who used to spend their time together. But even if it remains difficult, distance relationships are no more doomed to failure.
Overnight, many couples found themselves separated due to confinement. And if it risks being a little long confined each on its side, there are fortunately solutions to maintain the flame despite the distance! Calls, instant messaging, photos, emails … These are all free applications that work for the survival of our relationships. A long-distance love relationship then becomes an option more than possible, and very well lived. Still not convinced? We will make you change your mind!
Love at a distance can work: scientific proof
A 2013 Sino-American study by the Internation Communication Association shows that long-distance love would last longer than others. And above all would be more solid. To reach this conclusion, Crystal Jiang from City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey Hancock from Cornell University interviewed a panel of couples (some in long-distance relationships, others living in the same city and others still in cohabitation) on their way of communicating. Conversations, sms, calls, everything was scrutinized.
Formal result of the survey: couples living far away from each other seem closer and manage to open up to each other more easily. "(They) remain more able to confide in themselves, to share moments of intimacy"Explains Crystal Jiang. The study also indicates that in the United States, 3 million married couples are geographically separated, ditto for 50% of students. A reassuring analysis for all those who have experienced it, for a long time or not love at a distance, especially when you know that because of work or studies, more and more couples live their relationship as well.
Distance relationship: why do we accept it?
Romanticism doesn't stick so well with the image of dynamism and independence that we like to associate with modern women. Yet what could be more romantic than seeing this story come to fruition that some people thought was impossible? And the one at the heart of the long distance relationship tends to idealize its meeting, its history, its lover. Let's face it, we love this "love of the impossible" side which leads us to believe that this story can bring down all prejudices.
If the woman of the 19th century detaches herself from the icon of Penelope who waits without moving for the man of her life to deign to return to the fold, she remains nonetheless human. We meet the ideal man a month before his departure on a trip (or vice versa just before returning to the fold after a long stay elsewhere), and we persist because Cupid raged very hard. We are as spellbound, and nothing to do, the distance does not extinguish the flame. We know that this will cause difficulties, but we tell ourselves that feelings must overcome …
A rather special moment that we always look forward to. We are anxious, we shudder, we feel the famous butterflies in the belly, we ask ourselves a lot of questions. It is an opportunity to share your anxieties as a couple with your distant lover, and to reassure each other before D-Day. And then the "reunion" in bed is also worth the effort …
The 7 keys to make it last
A universal key to a healthy relationship, trust in your loved one (and far away) above all makes it possible not to spend your nights moping over convincing yourself that "if, he is talking to another girl, I can feel it!". Certainly, having confidence will not erase the few passing, and human, doubts of your mind. But your conscience will quickly take over because, anyway, you TRUST it.
And as much as possible! As the hugs remain out of range, we send sweet words to each other by phone / email / chat. No more excuses these days: WiFi is revolutionizing communication, so you can call and write for free. For those in a disconnected no man's land, why not write real love letters?
Little jokes and nicknames for couples remain more than ever in force. Even if we are separated, we must maintain a real bond, gently. "I encourage couples who are confined but separated to innovate in their mode of communication. This can be sharing a photo, video call, voice note rather than just a text or phone call", advises Alexandre Cormont.
It is not easy to maintain desire in a confined couple, each on its own. So we preserve the flame by cunning. Photos "olé olé" adorned with our most beautiful underwear (or not …), love on the phone, or even "hot" session on Skype for the most greedy. "The video call can be a good way to share an intimate moment and even to strengthen the bond because it is innovative", continues Alexandre Cormont.
We plan our connected meetings around our schedule and not the other way around. If he loves you, your lover will understand that you also have a schedule that can sometimes be a little busy during the week. Remember that he must respect your habits. This also allows you not to forget yourself. Whether at the career level, or friends.
Of course, if your other half also has imperatives, you should respect them on your side. Know how to be magnanimous because distance can also be a source of misunderstandings. And when you find yourself (finally!), Don't play wild, devote your time to your darling. The reunion is a crucial moment. And your friends can wait a few days.
Making plans and believing in them remains one of the magic recipes of a long distance relationship. Because we are far away, we need to hang on to a romantic weekend, a trip or why not move into the same city? "I advise couples to talk about the future together because it proves that everyone is thinking about the future. Indeed, the human brain does not make the difference between the imaginary and the real therefore the simple fact of talking about future activities or trips, this can reinforce the attraction and the desire to talk, to see oneself, to be to conquer", explains Alexandre Cormont.
Reasons for failure
Living a long distance relationship requires great strength of character … on both sides. It's not about going headlong one way. However, it happens that despite everything, history does not survive. We idealize too much. Distance sometimes turns poor reality. We dream of her story, we imagine her reunion, we interpret this or that word of her distant lover and very quickly, the two lovebirds take diverging paths.
Away from the eyes, far from the heart? Determination is not a defining characteristic of your personality. In the absence of the other, doubt settles, and your feelings evaporate at great speed. But to make a long-term relationship last, you have to be straight in your boots, not to be tempted by the first bastard who flirts with you and your love will only come out stronger.
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