After years of medical wanderings and suffering, Laetitia Payen, mother of two, discovered that her son, Stanislas, was bipolar. The diagnosis came when he was 5 years old. But before that, she and her husband, and their daughter had to put their lives on hold.
Often, when we know someone is sick, we tend to worry only about them, without imagining for a moment that the disease can also impact those close to them. The family of Laetitia Payen has just been there, with their son Stanislas, diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 5. But before that, before being able to put a word on what was gnawing at him, this mother, her husband and their eldest had to put their lives on hold.
From their son’s first months, they knew something was wrong. Stanislas was a restless child, hard, who slept little and cried a lot. Laetitia and her husband first put it down to their child’s health problems, which led to him being hospitalized several times and operated on. But after his two years, Stanislas’ condition worsened and rapidly everyday life is getting harder and harder to live with. “All the gestures of life have become very complicated, putting on his coat, going to the nanny, putting him in his car seat, everything that is commonplace for most parents for us every time it was the course of the fighter”told us Laetitia before adding “It was all criseshe had an intolerance to frustration that was such that it led to attacks that could last for hours and several times a day.
A daily life punctuated by crises
As he grows up other symptoms added. Stanislaus has obsessive compulsive disordermore commonly known as TOC, “to go to bed, his slippers had to be perfectly aligned with the floorboards, at the table his cutlery had to be perfectly parallel to his plate so that he could eat”. He suffers also from hypersensory issues. It does not support noise, or even certain odors and even less heat. “In the school canteen, for example, he regularly told us that his brain was going to explode. At home, we couldn’t even make a fire”she explains. Elements that trigger very big crises at Stanislas.
The verbal and physical abuse are quick to show up. “At the time, I was covered in bruises because we had to contain him, already so that he didn’t hurt himself and so that he didn’t destroy everything he was holding. there was around him. There was also a lot of harassment and insults.”
He could say to me for example ‘mum when do you cry because I like it when you cry’ or he would take an object that he knew was my favorite and he would explode it against the wall.
The double facet and the gaze of others
A difficult daily life for Stanislas but also for his parents and his big sister. “It was an emotional lift. We, after the crises, we had a hard time recovering from it, whereas he just after he could have great emotional outbursts. It was two facets that were very complicated to manage for us and even outside., she remembers. Because for the people who met him outside, Stanislas was such a calm and curious little boy. “We would like the same!”sometimes heard Laetitia.
However, behind, far from appearances, he was a completely different child. And repercussions on loved onesthey were very real. “It is a disease where the whole family suffers. My daughter told me ‘when my brother is in crisis I feel like a ghost’, my husband told me ‘I feel like I’m losing life points, it’s like I’m dead inside’. Little by little, we locked ourselves in on ourselves because we saw no way out. And besides that, you also have the gaze of others to face. We lived in the anguish of the next crisis, all the outings were either shortened or wasted, so at some point the easiest thing was to stay at home.
The discovery of the disease
For years, Laetitia has multiplied the research for understand and know what his son was suffering from. A determination that ended up paying off, since one day she stumbled upon the site of the bicycle association, which helps parents of children and teenagers who suffer from mood disorders. It was there that she learned that the juvenile bipolarity existed, a severe and insidious psychic pathology, which today affects more than 500,000 children in France. For her, it was like a revelation. Shortly after, she contacted the association which directed her to professionals capable of making the diagnosis. The appointment was made in Paris, at the Center for Anxiety and Mood Disorders (CTAH), and in the end Laetitia’s intuition turned out to be correct.
When the diagnosis fell, Stanislas was five years old, and suddenly it was a great relief for the whole family. “We said to ourselves ‘we are not crazy, other parents are going through the same thing as us, we are no longer alone’, but it was also a shock because there are a lot of prejudices about mental disorders. We knew finally what he had, we were finally going to be able to have a different vision of him. Because at some point it’s so difficult for everyone that you end up switching over and no longer loving your child”, she admits.
A found freedom
After the diagnosis, Stanislas was supported to deal with his bipolarity. In view of his symptoms, the doctors had to prescribe him a medical treatmenta mood stabilizer in baby doses, so that he can undergo therapy. “The first intention treatment in children is behavioral and cognitive therapy, and psycho-education. Medication is really a crutch to allow the child to be accessible, and to reduce the intensity and the frequency of his seizures”says Laetitia Payen.
Since then, the years have passed. Today, Stanislas is a young teenager who is doing well. Aged 13, he continues a traditional education, with his friends and a PAP, a Personalized Support Plan to help him with his DYS disorders, which often go hand in hand with this disease. Stanislas is not yet cured, but he lives pretty much like everyone else and above all he has regained his freedom. “The diagnosis set the whole family free. We were able to resume the course of our lives, go back out, see friends, organize our holidays normally”, concludes his mother. From now on, what Laetitia, who in the meantime has become president of the Bicycle association, hopes for is to raise awareness and recognize juvenile bipolarityto avoid tragedies in some families and so that it is never too late.
Thanks to Laetitia Payen for entrusting us with her story and that of her son Stanislas. She wrote a book about it, My cyclone child – The taboo of bipolar childrenpublished by Flammarion.
Since September 2021, Lisa has joined the Aufeminin team. Little by little she specialized in subjects related to parenthood. Curious and passionate about writing, she likes to tell …