A child psychologist reveals his tips for managing the crises and annoyances of the little ones. Valuable advice for parents who no longer know what to do.
Although parents are in the best position to understand their child, in certain situations, the opinion of a specialist can be really useful. Especially when children have tantrums. On a daily basis, a very small thing may trigger an anger that quickly becomes unmanageable for the parents. In a recent interview with Point, psychologist Caroline Goldman gave her advice for managing children’s crises in stores or supermarkets.
Professor Sam Wass is an expert in stress management and concentration in children. The psychologist and neuroscientist gave an interview to The Mirror to divulge his tips for dealing with tantrums in children. He didn’t stop there since he also explained how children’s brains work and consequently what not to tell them when they get upset.
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What not to tell children
Professor Sam Wass begins by explaining what to avoid saying to children when they get angry. According to him, children’s emotions should not be pushed away with phrases such as: “You’re not angry!” Or “You can’t be upset”. Instead, try to help him put words to what he feels in order to “label” his feelings. In the end, suppressing children’s emotions does not help them at all and it does not help you to calm the situation either.. The right tip, according to Professor Sam Wass, is: “What’s effective is commenting on what they say, echoing them and trying to use their words, their way of speaking. When we are aware of our emotions, it is immediately easier to manage and control them..”
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How is it represented in the brain?
Emotions go to different places in the brain and they mean something. The neuroscientist explains: “Emotions tend to occur quite low in the brain, just above the spinal cord. Self-awareness helps diffuse emotion into the language and analysis centers of the brain. This process of spreading emotion in the brain helps us manage it better.” Hence the importance of putting words to our emotions from an early age. Professor Sam Wass continues by giving tips for dealing with children’s emotions: “What I would do as a parent is help them understand how they are feeling, using non-judgmental phrases like ‘I think you feel like that’ and by putting a verbal label on how you think they are feeling.”
And for the temper tantrums that happen during the races or in the stores, this is also explained according to the neuroscientist. Not having control is a difficult situation for all human beings and even more so for children. When they come with you to do the shopping, the children have no control, they don’t know how long it will last, or go… So you have to try to understand their position: “I see you feeling frustrated/tired/upset being in the store, it must be hard/difficult for you.” The child will learn by himself to put words on his emotions and so little by little succeed in calming down on your own!