Simple and effective
According to the psychologist, a “six-second kiss” ensures a happy relationship
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Small gestures and rituals strengthen the relationship. According to psychologist and divorce researcher Dr. John Gottman A kiss can help a couple stay happy together.
A coffee together in the morning, a bedtime ritual, a quick kiss goodbye: the basics of a happy relationship are not in the really big gestures, but rather in the small ones. In those that strengthen our connection to each other so that we can be happy together in the long term. But at first we can hardly keep our hands off each other and if we kiss at every opportunity, this will decrease over time. In the worst case, it even stops altogether. However, the expert Dr. John Gottman examines.
Gottman advocates closeness in everyday life
John Gottman is a psychologist and mathematician from the USA. He combines both sciences and explores happiness in couple relationships. He transfers his findings into mathematical formulas in order to be able to make statements about them. Of course, he also dealt with the question of what distinguishes happy couples (so-called masters of relationship) from unhappy couples (disasters of relationship). In addition to the proportion of positive and negative communication (5:1), this also includes physical closeness in everyday life. In order to remain happy in the long term, he therefore recommends the Six Second Kiss.
Why the six second kiss?
There are many kisses and types of kisses: short, long, with tongue, innocent, familiar, soft, hard, wet. But in love relationships, it also depends on the duration. That should be at least six seconds twice a day, Gottman said. Because only then does a kiss unfold its effect. With a kiss lasting six seconds, the bonding hormone oxytocin is produced, which gives us a pleasant feeling of security, trust and love. It stops the busyness in our brain and puts the focus on the partner in that moment. If you kiss for at least six seconds twice a day, you can strengthen the bond with each other in the long term.
By the way, something similar happens with a hug lasting more than 15 seconds, as couple therapist Eric Hegmann writes. Through both, you condition the body and the reward center to the partner, while also training gratitude and missing.
There’s no harm in trying
In order to have a long-term partnership that makes everyone involved happy, there are many techniques and exercises that are intended to ensure understanding, affection and security. The six-second kiss is arguably one of the simplest and most effective. There is no need to talk, listen or solve problems. It only takes a few seconds to connect with your partner, be close and strengthen the relationship.
The more the kiss is practiced, the more it will become a habit. Just set a timer to get a feel for how long it will take. For most people, six seconds certainly feels longer than expected. While it sounds unusual, it has the potential to improve the relationship and keep it healthy in the long run.
Sources used: gottman.com, psychologytoday.com, eric-hegmann.de