According to the study: These are the most common taboos in a partnership

relationship
According to the study: These are the most common taboos in a partnership

Honesty and clear, open communication are two of several important cornerstones for a stable, balanced, healthy partnership. But do we have to share everything with our loved one? Hopefully not – according to a representative survey commissioned by the dating portal ElitePartner, the majority of people in Germany keep secrets from their own partner.

The three most common secrets in partnership

Around 4,000 people who are currently in a relationship and who are representative of the population took part in the survey. 59 percent of them admitted to keeping secrets from their sweetheart. So far so good. But what are the taboo topics that our neighbors keep secret from their sweetheart? Dirty thoughts? Embarrassing youthful sins? Hurtful views? The most commonly kept secret is none of this: A good 19 percent of those surveyed stated that they secretly found another person attractive. For women, the proportion was just under 16 percent, for men 23 percent.

The second most taboo, the total of 16 percent of participants, according to the results of this survey, more women carry around with them: 18 percent admitted that they sometimes doubts about the partnership had that they didn’t tell their partner: in the case of the male respondents, this applied to 15 percent.

The third most popular secret that men and women alike keep from their favorite person: 14 percent of respondents hide how much they really paid for something (e.g. going out, electrical appliances and the like). That should make the joint budget planning of the couples in question interesting.

Common taboos among women

While gender doesn’t play an obvious role in what and how much we don’t tell our loved ones, the results of this survey do reveal differences between men’s and women’s responses to some secrets. No reason to draw conclusions and generalize from this, but noteworthy.

For example, a good 15 percent of women admitted that they were sometimes secretly embarrassed by the behavior of the person by their side – 10 percent of men agreed with this statement. A good 9 percent of the women surveyed also admitted that they really couldn’t warm to the hobbies and interests of their loved ones – 6 percent of the men said the same.

Common secrets of men

Only 5 percent of women actually guard the second most frequently mentioned secret from men (almost 21 percent): They watch porn from time to time. Perhaps this fires the imagination of some, because the answers of the men and women surveyed are also very different on this point: 14 percent of the male survey participants stated that they secretly have sexual preferences that they would like to live out. Only 6 percent of women said the same about themselves.

More insights

Overall, the results of the survey suggest that couples who have been together for a long time keep secrets from each other less often than newlyweds – which is not particularly surprising. Relationship satisfaction also seems to have an effect on topics being taboo: dissatisfied couples concealed something more often than satisfied ones. According to the ElitePartner study, women in their 30s most often have secrets from their sweetheart.

Classifying the data, psychologist Lisa Fischbach from ElitePartner says: “The quality of a partnership is not shown by sharing your entire (inner) life with your partner. This usually only promotes too much merging and the loss of tension in the relationship . A certain level of secrecy is therefore perfectly normal as long as the partner’s trust is not betrayed. Couples should learn to distinguish which content is valuable to share and which is harmful.” And that works best with attention, empathy and of course: trial and error.

Source used: ElitePartner press material

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