Geez!
Why we ALL become like our parents
© Oliver Rossi / Getty Images
I have to admit it to myself: every year it gets a little worse. The older I get, the more quirks of my parents I take on – and of course the very ones that always drove me crazy.
by Nele Justus
An example: the other day we went on vacation. I knocked everyone out of bed so early in an exaggerated good mood, stuffed them full of cereal and then put them in the taxi that we were at the gate two hours before departure. TWO HOURS!!! And then I said this terrible sentence that I had to listen to from my father for decades: “It’s nice if you don’t always come to the last minute, now we can have a coffee in peace.” Hello? Am I still quite at ease?
But that is not all: I am now one of those people who check three times to see whether they have actually packed the concert tickets or the plane tickets. And before they go out the door, they quickly check again whether the stove is really off. Bad right?
I used to be very casual. For real! Jumped on the train just before the doors closed and found a toothbrush and a pair of knickers to be enough as holiday luggage. When did I become this philistine?
Psychologists say my behavior is completely normal. The brain is an old creature of habit. It ensures that we automatically take on certain behavior without thinking about it. And those that our parents used to set an example for us. They have got stuck in our brains like thick trails, and we always unconsciously dig them out when we come into a similar situation.
And that’s mostly in adulthood. Then we start to bring up our children in a similar way (“We only want your best”, I really said that), to represent the same political views (I actually have the cross in the same place as my mother in the last three elections set) or adopt the style of driving (“You have to drive with foresight”, I had to hear from my father for years. Today I know that this is not the worst thing).
But there is hope. Even bad habiters like me can change their behavior. The first step in the right direction: recognizing the automatisms. So I’m well on the way there. Maybe on my next family vacation I’ll be able to get to the gate just 90 minutes in advance. Or even 60? Well, that would be a little crazy now. You shouldn’t overdo it right away.
Incidentally, long-term studies also show that certain personality traits generally change in the course of life. We all become more conscientious and emotionally stable as we age. So I am not alone. I feel a little better then.