Everyone makes mistakes – and yet they are sometimes quite annoying … With the AEG method you can learn to systematically accept your failures AND turn them for the better.
The head says "okay" …
We all know smart sayings and wisdom about mistakes. "The biggest mistake one can make in life is always to be afraid of making a mistake.", said the theologian and Nazi opponent Dietrich Bonhoeffer, for example. And the quote comes from Marlene Dietrich:"If I could live my life again, I would make the same mistakes. But a little earlier so that I have more of it."
Everyone knows that mistakes are part and parcel of life in order to grow. Only those who don't dare to make any decisions and never go to their limits can, under certain circumstances, be able to avoid mistakes. But what kind of a wasted, sad life would it be, would you just sit in your own comfort zone and never dare to do anything? I agree!
… and the feeling "doesn't work at all!"
But even if we know all this and have long made friends with every failure and failure on a rational level: How often feel Do we still feel bad, small and simply incapable after a trip, slip or mistake? How often do we beat ourselves up because "our emotions got over us again", we said something mean in an argument that we regret afterwards, or we haven't worked hard enough? Far too often we forget our resolve to love and accept ourselves and throw all self-compassion overboard on the smallest occasion.
The AEG method for more consistent self-love
So that this may happen less to us in the future, the author and trained psychotherapist Daniela Bernhardt recommends the AEG method in her great book "Raus aus dem Relations-Burnout" (Ariston-Verlag). The main goal of this method is that we learn to love ourselves – with all our inadequacies and even if we have just screwed up. Because only then, according to Bernhardt, are we able to show the same mildness towards others and to love someone unconditionally. Sounds good? Good! Then the method works like this:
Step 1: accept
According to Bernhardt, if something stupid happens to us, we should first of all accept it openly and without analyzing – and without deriving any generalizations like "again" or "typical"!
- "Oh dear, I was a little hasty!"
- "Shit, didn't think about it!"
- "Ouch! Very annoying!"
Step 2: relax and comfort
In the second step, we imagine we are a small child (we are in our hearts!) And treat ourselves that way.
- "Don't worry, nobody is perfect."
- "Half as wild! The world is still turning and none of the 7 billion people have noticed anything, let alone suffered damage."
Think – from the perspective of a mother – who or what could comfort you now. The best friend maybe? A "Modern Family" or "Friends" episode? Decorate your apartment nicely or have a piece of cheesecake?
Step 3: luck in bad luck
Now we are (hopefully) in a position to reconcile ourselves to our fail and see something good in it.
- "After all, it happened to me once without causing a catastrophe. Next time I'll be smarter."
- "At least I got rid of my emotional burden, who knows what would have happened if I had kept it to myself."
Because in the end there is something positive in everything that annoys us. But if we immediately attack ourselves full of anger and hatred, we only have eyes for ourselves – and are no longer able to see what is good.