Anyone having an affair uses different methods to hide it from their partners. A study reveals the most common.
Affairs have probably existed ever since monogamy was established as the socially accepted form of relationship. And they are more common than you might think. Every tenth man answered in one Statista survey from 2020 when asked if he was ever unfaithful in a steady relationship: “Yes, several times with different people.” In the case of women, there are still 7 percent who give the same answer. 17 percent of men and 11 percent of women have cheated on their partner at least once.
And those are just the people who were polled — and answered honestly. The reasons for an affair can be varied and for some it is the last sign that their relationship can no longer be saved. Others, on the other hand, do everything they can to keep their affair a secret. A study has now looked at the strategies people use to ensure that their infidelity is not noticed.
People do this to hide their affairs
The study, which consisted of several parts and examined people who have already cheated on their partners, resulted in a total of eleven strategies intended to hide their own infidelity. The researchers ranked these tactics by frequency, with “being discreet” being the most common strategy and “introducing the extramarital person to the partner” being the least common. The approaches in detail:
1. Be discreet
Most stated strategy: This ensures that communication and meetings with the affair are deliberate in order to reduce the risk of discovery to a minimum.
2. Removal of Digital Evidence
The Internet does not forget – and that includes WhatsApp, Instagram and Co. Incriminating text messages and photos in connection with the affair are conscientiously removed to make it difficult for the partner to find evidence of the suspected infidelity.
3. Behave normally
People who are having affairs try to hide it by making a sudden change in their behavior. Anyone who previously followed certain “roles” (the nagging person, the funny person, etc.) tries not to change them in order to keep the usual relationship dynamics with the partner.
4. Leave the routines unchanged
Unfaithful people not only maintain the behaviors, but also fixed routines that have been established in the main relationship. Even slight changes (new clothes, new haircut) can make some partners skeptical, as would new, expensive purchases that do not suit themselves, for example.
5. Calling in friends – as an apology and support
It’s not uncommon for people having affairs to use their boyfriends as an alibi or to provide credible excuses. It can, but does not have to be, that the friends know about the infidelity.
6. Block all technological devices
It’s not hard for a suspicious partner to find evidence of the other person’s infidelity in today’s technological age – a quick look at the texts or emails is usually enough. Alternatively, unfaithful people who do not (want to) delete their messages usually take other security precautions, for example by setting (new) passwords and regularly logging out of all social media.
7. Limit contact with the affair
Some people who are having affairs are careful not to see them too often – especially if they want to continue their main relationship. The less frequently the affair is met, the less likely it is that infidelity will be discovered.
8. Appear innocent
In order not to raise the suspicion of an affair in the first place, many cheaters also avoid the topic of infidelity among their partners. Some also take up a “hobby” to reduce suspicion that they are being unfaithful.
9. More attention to the main partners
There are people who shower their partners with love, interest and attention. By being particularly generous, they try to cover up their affair.
10. A new email address or phone
Another strategy is to open new accounts that the affiliate doesn’t know about. This also helps in communicating about the affair and makes it less likely that the partner will find out about it.
11. Introduce the:the partner:into the affair
A particularly dramatic way to distract the partner from the infidelity is to introduce the affair as a new colleague, friend, etc. By actively defining the relationship, the unfaithful partner tries to control attention and deflect suspicion.
Source used: sciencedirect.com, de.statista.com