“After a terrible accident, I found myself paraplegic, but that didn’t stop me from becoming a mother”

At 35, Amandine is a sophrologist. She is also the happy mother of little Olivia, born in 2020 and aged 4. If she has a busy life, divided between her career and her family life, the young woman must do everything with one very particular parameter: her wheelchair. Paraplegic, this mother confides in Feminine about her journey and her sometimes difficult daily life, from her accident to the birth of her child, including her pregnancy.

It was in January 2016 that Amandine’s life changed. While trying to retrieve an object from the overhang of her roof, dropped by a neighbor living above her house, she fell 3 meters high. “I was immediately transferred to the hospital in Nancy and operated on during the night. The next morning, they explained to me that my spinal cord was affected and that I was paraplegic.“, she explains. At this time, doctors believe that the situation is not irreversible. She is then sure of herself: with effort, she will walk again one day. Unfortunately, 3 months after his accident, “we understood that it was definitive”, she remembers. A hard blow for the young woman, then aged 27.

“Pregnancy is difficult to live with”

If it is not then “never asked the question of motherhood”the doctor in charge of her rehabilitation tells her that her paraplegia will not prevent her from becoming a mother. “It was the first subject she brought up. I cried, because I realized that this accident had really impacted my future,” she confides. After a wedding in December 2016 and a few years of enjoying each other, it was in January 2019 that Amandine and her husband decided to “start the baby project”. “I got pregnant for the first time in March, but I had a miscarriage in April”, she explains. According to doctors, it had nothing to do with his accident.

The young woman remains no less traumatized. “That’s when I realized I really wanted to have a family. I was like, ‘I want a child in my arms now.'”, she reveals. Fortunately, she “gets pregnant again straight away”, in May. But quickly, things become complicated for Amandine. “Pregnancy is difficult for me. Because of my paraplegia, the entire system linked to my spinal cord is impacted”, she sighs. Added to this are numerous urinary infections and incontinence, which increase her risk of giving birth prematurely, as well as the onset of bedsores. “I was arrested very quickly. I was almost bedridden, I felt isolated”she says.

“During my delivery, I felt my daughter passing through my pelvis”

Amandine gives birth on January 4, 2020: “everything went well”. “My water broke, I had contractions during the night (which I didn’t feel) and Olivia was born the next day.”said the young mother with pride, specifying that her daughter is “considered premature within 2 or 3 days”. A relief for the young woman, who was told throughout the pregnancy that her child could be born very prematurely. “I even felt it pass through my pelvis. Because of my paraplegia, I didn’t expect that”she says.

She barely has time to rejoice at the arrival of her daughter when logistical and practical problems begin for Amandine. “I am in a room for people with reduced mobility (PRM), but it is not suitable for caring for the little one. So my husband takes care of her during the day and the medical team at night”, she regrets. Circumstances that prevent her from taking care of her baby herself. “When I got home, I was apprehensive about changing his diapers, I told myself I wouldn’t be able to do it”she admits.

“On a daily basis, the stroller is me!”

At home, Amandine and her husband must quickly adapt a number of childcare equipment and furniture, in order to allow the young woman to be independent when she has to manage their daughter. The cot, the bathtub, the car seat, the co-sleeping… Everything goes! As for the stroller, “it’s me !”exclaims the sophrologist with humor. “We did everything to ensure that she was always at my height”, she remembers. Things got complicated when Olivia started walking on all fours. “This is the moment when you have to let go of them a little… I put her on the ground but I couldn’t lift her when she was on the ground.” When she knew how to stand up, “I put it along the wheel”.

Well surrounded, Amandine receives daily help from her husband, her loved ones and some professionals. “She was in daycare from the age of 9 months until she was 18 months old. The people who worked there helped me put her in the car”, she emphasizes. But his greatest help is Olivia herself who offers it to him. “She quickly became a very resourceful child. At 18 months, she knew how to get into the car by herself”she said proudly. “We both always managed to get by. Everything always took longer, but we got there!”

“People think I’m a warrior, but I’m not”

Today, Amandine feels more confident in her role as a mother. “The more time passes, the easier it gets.”she admits. “When my daughter started walking, I didn’t feel like going outside in places where I didn’t know the level of accessibility. But now, I ask myself fewer questions, she knows, she understands, she is conscious and she knows how to listen to instructions, so we can walk around more easily”, she explains. Above all, Olivia is now very independent (much more than other children her age). “There are no more diapers to change, she knows how to eat, she gets in and buckles herself in the car”.

Is Amandine, ultimately, a mother like any other? “In 90% of cases, yes, but when the disability takes over, I say to my daughter: ‘I’m sorry that you have a mother in a wheelchair,'” she confides. “She may feel frustrated. For example, I sometimes have to force her to go through certain places and not others, inaccessible in a wheelchair”she quotes. “People think I’m a warrior, but I’m not,” she admits. “I also complain, I sometimes feel like I’m negative and I’m not always in good spirits.”

Although she is regularly congratulated for her courage, she does not entirely agree with this term. “It’s not courage, I just have no choice. If I want to move forward, I don’t ask myself questions, I just go for it, that’s all”she assumes, encouraging people, like her, not to “let the disability take over”. “If you have a desire to become a parent: go for it, anything is possible!” To the wise!

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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, couple, sexuality, social networks…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world…