alcoholism seen by women in confinement

The coronavirus is not the only fear of the moment for some people. Women fight day after day against an even more devious demon, because he hides behind every thought, alcoholism. But what can we say about the confinement, however essential, which is experienced for these patients as one more test. To try to understand these torments, meet with two former alcoholics, Virginie and Marie.

The "stay home"is of course very important in this health crisis against the Covid-19. But for women, alone with themselves, in long endless days, hell on earth is felt in one idea: drink l "Alcohol. A difficult situation to manage for these patients whom associations try to help through online meetings and telephone numbers. Two former alcoholics, Virginie Hamonnais, author of the book"Drowned in alcohol " (Max Milo editions) and Marie, member of Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A), explain this other fight to us, in addition to the ambient virus.

Faced with this confinement, what do you say about the situation of female alcoholics?

Virginie Hamonnais : I realized quite early on the situation of these women, and of these men too, in confinement. So I posted messages on different Facebook, Twitter … groups related to alcoholism telling them that I was thinking of them and their entourage. Likewise, I warned of the danger of confinement for people who drink a little too much every day without realizing it. They slide slowly but surely towards alcoholism. Having known this period of the hell of the drink, I wanted to show my support. This moment is very problematic for alcoholics. It is already very difficult to get out of alcohol outside the anxiety-inducing context so imagine today. And what about the people in treatment who have been sent home. They started their consumption all over again.

Marie: From the beginning, I have had a lot of compassion for women who are alcoholics and I think of people who have just arrived at Alcoholics Anonymous. I can see myself when I first started associating with my obsessions about drinking, which were so present. I was lucky to go to meetings, to go out. Imagine that this confinement would have taken place 20 years ago when I was sick, I tell myself that I would be dead. Alcohol was my companion, my antidepressant, it filled the void. I have memories of my life before, when I was drinking, and it was guilt, fear of the other, loneliness, a terrible lack of self-esteem and the inability to get in touch with others without the drink every day. This mixture of feelings allows alcoholism to take hold even more. To think back on that, I am very moved. The worst part was that I thought that alcohol was curing me, but of course it was taking me to a state of decline. I forgot to pick up my kids at the conservatory, for example. In confinement, I imagine the stratagems to hide alcohol by all means, when we are in a family setting. Let's not forget the relationships with the spouse that can go wrong. A waking nightmare!

You have to say to yourself: today I am confined for 24 hours, you must not think about how long it will last, live your life day by day. It’s something magical, it helped me. Do not fantasize about what will happen in a week or in a month. Let us live this present day as well as possible. Suddenly, I find that the containment passes easily. Push back the first glass and little by little it will allow you to build a solid abstinence. I was given an image to remember in my fight: if I drink a drop of alcohol, it’s like I’m throwing myself under a truck at full speed.

What advice do you want to give?

Virginie Hamonnais : For me, what is counterproductive is the entourage who will try to monitor the alcoholic person, control their consumption and try to reason with them. Many associations advise against doing this because it fuels the desire to consume alcohol. Feeling "pursued", these women will fold in on themselves and perhaps drink even more in hiding. This is destructive and can lead to violence. Discussions will be essential and awareness will also arise.
The entourage must be understanding during this period and keep the link. Unfortunately, there is not much to do. To stop drinking, it can only come from oneself, this famous click.

There is a major problem when you are an alcoholic, you lose track of time, you only think about drinking. We sleep then we wake up to rebel. With this life that has stopped, the disease is even stronger. For single people, neighbors who know about alcoholism have to knock on the door a few times to get news and "impose" some sort of rhythm. For people like me who have come out of this hell, it is important to help and support. I will never fall back into this deadly poison.

Married : With several friends, who are old like me in the association, we keep in touch with the new. The hotline is always in place 24 hours a day (the number is 09 69 39 40 20) and we take turns to take these calls at home. This switches the number of the permanence to the homes of voluntary A.A. I had many calls for help. I also give my mobile number for calls at any time. There are also video meetings which are available on the Alcoholics Anonymous France site as well as on the InterGroup. Paris Suburbs Alcoholics Anonymous. Indeed, it may not be as good as seeing the friends live, but the help is there. I can tell you that even with my years of abstinence, speaking still helps me today. To get out of alcoholism, you have to face the fact that it is an illness and be ready to want to seek treatment but it does not come immediately, there is a long way.

The fashion of virtual aperitifs, a risk more?

Virginie Hamonnais : At the start, it’s completely normal, alcohol is a very French social bond. Of these aperitifs, there is a trivialization of the consumption of alcohol. And then staying at home, not having a real schedule or working with your little drink, which you couldn't do before, is dangerous. Alcohol becomes this anxiolytic at hand. We drink and we feel better, lighter. This responds to a psychic need of the person, the drink settles in life, on a daily basis. And to get out of it, it will be complicated. Do not trivialize alcohol, it is a product that you can do without. In this moment of confinement, you have to find resources that you have within you. You can manage your emotions, keep a rhythm of life. You should also know that alcohol lowers the immune system so we become more susceptible to the coronavirus or other microbes. In addition, when we are alcoholic, we no longer pay attention to barrier gestures. Alcohol is about doing things you wouldn't do if you weren't in a state of heavy or regular drinking.

Married : We can of course have these aperitifs without going overboard. I have Whatsapp groups from my sports club, book club, where there are no alcoholics and who do these meetings. I’m not going. As long as you don't have the disease, it's not dangerous.

Some countries ban the sale of alcohol during this health crisis to combat domestic violence. Is this a good initiative?

Virginie Hamonnais : The consumption of alcohol becomes an anxiolytic to calm his pain, his anxieties, this is where the trap is. You think you’re in control of alcohol, but he’s the one who eventually gets you in control From a psychic need you come to a physical need. The government that leaves wine merchants open, I don't understand, is this a basic necessity ??? Tobacco shops are allowed to work, okay, but I’ve never seen someone who smokes five packs of cigarettes a day get violent with their loved ones. On the other hand, drinking two bottles, obviously you become very sad then angry.
You should also know that an alcoholic cannot stop drinking overnight because there are risks of heart problems and very thin deliriums which can put the person in distress. To stop consumption, you need to be aware, but the time is not right for that. In normal context it is already difficult so today …

Married : The alcoholic will always manage to have alcohol. In countries which prohibit the sale of alcohol, parallel circuits are formed. The obsession can be created if the person is not in a perspective of desired withdrawal. So I'm not sure of the result

According to Laurent, another AA member, "the 600 meetings in France of Alcoholics Anonymous become in confinement around thirty zoom meetings (videoconference) per week. They start at 8 am, then they take place around 10 am, 2 pm, 4 pm and 8:00 pm Schedules can also change. Participants are thus connected to a hundred people. We see many connections. This crisis brings stress so knowing that at any time of the day we can join a conversation, c is a great support. "

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Video by Shawna Montout