Aliya discovered love and sex online at age 13, falling in love with a boy who urges her to send nude photos. The beginning of hell, which she recounts in the documentary "Online harassment: the end of impunity?", Broadcast Tuesday, December 15 at 8:50 p.m. on France 5.
Aired Tuesday December 15 at 8:50 p.m. on France 5, the documentary Online harassment: the end of impunity?, in the collection They move the lines embodied here by Olivier Delacroix, recounts the courageous journeys of Anne-Véronique, Valentin, Lola Dubini and Aliya. Each in their own way, they have faced a form of violence that today affects 8% of the French population, according to the documentary: cyberstalking. These repeated online attacks are all the more difficult to live with as they touch our privacy, from morning to night, via the omnipresence of the smartphone in our lives.
For Aliya, the ordeal begins when she is a shy young teenager. She is one of the 1 in 5 students harassed in college. Now a strong and confident woman, she testifies in front of the camera so that her story may be useful to others, and that the phenomenon of blackmail of intimate photos ceases. In the documentary, we learn that the "nudes", used as proof of trust, are done as part of increasingly young love exchanges: in college and sometimes even in elementary school, according to Véronique Agrapart, sexologist interviewed here. Lockdown may have worsened the phenomenon, with frequenting social media as the only way to keep in touch with the outside world.
Here is Aliya's testimony, who wishes "deliver hope: yes, it is possible to live with this trauma, and if you never really heal, you live with it."
"When it hit me, I collapsed"
At 13, I am a rather reserved young girl who plays online. On one of these games, I meet a certain Alexandre. We talk a lot and I end up falling in love. No one ever told me "I love you" before him, apart from my parents and my sister. After a while, he asks me insistently what he describes as proof of love: a photo of my naked body on Snapchat. It shocks me and I refuse, but he convinces me that everyone is doing this. So I give in, telling myself that no one else will see the photo, especially since the messages are supposed to self-destruct. He becomes more insistent day by day, convinces me to send him more and more intimate things, sex videos. For fear of losing a relationship I care about, I do whatever he asks me to do, with specificity.
And then one day, everything changes: Alexandre tells me he doesn't love me anymore. The ordeal continues, however. He blackmailed him to keep getting videos, otherwise he would broadcast those already sent. I am terrified, trapped, I start to scarify myself to express my discomfort. It was then that some of my comrades received these images. My friends are going to alert the head teacher for help.
Difficult to face the judgments of others. When it happened to me, I collapsed, I had dark thoughts, I thought my life was screwed up and I was no good, I wanted to be in a coma to let this period go by. My parents reacted badly at first, they did not understand! They were angry with themselves. I was ready to pack my bags, I was so afraid to talk to them. They helped me, of course. But at first, this story was taboo, as if it had been put in a box.
"I survived, when there are so many victims who end their lives"
We had to collect all the evidence, print the photos to go and file a complaint at the police station. We were very badly received with my mother. I know that all the gendarmeries are not trained, but I received absolutely no compassion and very strong guilt from the gendarme who received us. She looked at the photos in disgust. She asked me: "Why did you do that? Do you realize it's serious? Do you realize it's dangerous?" I knew it, I had just experienced it and didn't need his judgment any more!
The pompom was when she called us the day before the patent to tell us that the complaint had been closed, that's all. Yet my tech teacher had helped us find the attacker's IP address, but the gendarmes say there was nothing they could do.
See also: "What is cyberstalking?"
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This story followed me in rumor form throughout my college and high school. They said of me that I was easy, that I slept in the evening. In final year, a sex therapist came to speak in our school in the form of debates. It comes to sending "nudes" (naked photos, editor's note), and none of the girls saw the risks. They thought it was a way of taking ownership of their body. I then decide to tell my story in a very spontaneous way to a small group. The others listen to me, stunned by my experiences. At the end, the facilitator asks me to end the session by telling everyone present my story. I do it without thinking, in a very natural way, with all the details, feeling that I am finally being listened to. At the end, everyone applauded me, many were very moved.
I ended up posting my story on the Internet and then in print. This book saved lives, I know it from the stories I am told when I am contacted on social media. Me, it forged me, I survived, while so many victims end their lives.
Today, I have an association that does prevention on this subject, which is called Stop Sexual Violence. I also wrote this book, Just a story of nudes, to warn that all this does not happen to anyone else. If I had been told about cyberstalking before, maybe I could have reacted faster.
In addition to this, you need to know more about it.
"My advice so that it does not happen to others"
My tips for being wary online are simple: If you feel something serious, shocking, and uncomfortable, don't do it. When I sent these pictures, I felt very bad physically, I had a terrible lump in my stomach. The body doesn't lie, if your body says no you aren't. This is what parents can also explain to their children.
Then, I recommend recording your conversations. On Snapchat, it is possible and it allows us to have proof if something happens. If you've been cyberbullied, experienced sexual violence online, don't stay alone, talk about it! Anonymous toll-free numbers exist: 39 19, the En avant tous chat.
When it happens to someone you don't know in your facility, don't spread rumors. It’s too easy to make people laugh at the expense of others, you don’t realize the harm it can do. This story made me strong and today I'm fine, but I don't want it to happen to others anymore!
According to a report relayed by the National Commission for Informatics and Liberties (Cnil), 10% of the European population has been or will one day be harassed, especially online. The aufeminin editorial reminds us that cyberstalking is legally wrong. Internet impunity must end, so let’s keep speaking out.