You had wanted this baby, you had a peaceful pregnancy, but now, after giving birth, when leaving the maternity ward, you are depressed, maybe you feel like you are unable to do well. take care of your baby … what if it was the baby blues?
You are sad, you feel guilty for not being at the height of joy and excessively sensitive to all the remarks, however harmless, of those close to you. Don't panic, you are probably suffering from the baby blues… like 50 to 80% of women after giving birth.
Even stars suffer from this condition also called "third day syndrome". On the occasion of the release of her album “Nouvelle Page”, Jenifer confides in the baby blues she experienced when her sons were born in 2003 and 2014. A testimony in which many mothers will recognize themselves. " The baby blues is a subject that I had never touched on. Yohann Malory who wrote a lot of songs on this album got the idea when reading my writings and during our discussions. He offered me the text and I loved the clever quill he had. I found myself there completely. Even if I hadn't thought of talking about it, it's one of the subjects that I couldn't get around on this album since I am a mother and my children are my intergalactic equilibrium ”, she says.
See also: "This is our postpartum"
What is the baby blues?
The baby blues is a feeling of slack after childbirth, and nine months of being one with your baby. This "third day syndrome" occurs during the days following the birth of the child. It is accompanied by several symptoms:
- Feeling of not being up to the task
- Mood disorder
You should know that the first few days after your baby's arrival can be very complicated. Indeed, they are not always as magical as it is claimed, on the contrary. Your body and sanity will go through several states, often unknown to you and for which you were not prepared – and it's okay to feel sad at that point. So there is no point in feeling guilty if you are suffering from baby blues: the majority of mothers feel overwhelmed and lost after this great event. It is also necessary to better inform future parents on the subject, so that they prepare for it and do not feel alone.
Note that symptoms vary from mother to mother.
Why am I not well?
After pregnancy, the sudden drop in progestogen hormones combined with the expulsion of the placenta can temporarily cause disturbances in the internal clock, and therefore emotions. In addition, if you have apprehended your childbirth, it is possible that you are feeling the consequences of your anxieties. The conditions in which you welcome this baby can also affect how you feel at birth.
Jennifer remembers her baby blues: “I had great pregnancies but two unplanned cesarean sections. I especially felt the baby blues when I had my first child, plus I was very young at the time. "
A feeling of regret, unfinished business can also occur if you are pregnant, you have idealized your childbirth … but it did not go as you would have liked. Or if faced with the real baby, to be taken care of, you are nostalgic, more or less aware, of the state of pregnancy where all expectations were permitted. Jenifer confirms: " I suddenly felt empty, I was no longer inhabited. The baby blues encroaches on the happiness of becoming a mother ”
Finally, being a mother, especially if this is the first time, is a milestone in life. You become a mother, your spouse, dad or mom as well, your parents, grandparents … In short, it's a whole new dynamic that will become part of your couple and / or your family. Even if you had your pregnancy to experience this mutation, it can catch you off guard.
Put simply, caring for a baby is such a responsibility that it can frighten you, or even make you feel like you can't handle it. Some mothers also regret not having succeeded in bonding with their child at birth and feel guilty. So they dive into this "third day syndrome", even though it's okay not to love your baby at first sight. After all, he's a little stranger to get to know, and attachment is far from automatic.
Also read: "When I met her, I didn't feel anything": attaching yourself to your child is not automatic, this mother testifies
What to do when you are suffering from baby blues?
Before you give birth, being well prepared for your baby's arrival will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed when the time comes.
When baby is around, don't be alone with your anxieties. Now is the time to be pampered and supported … but also to ask for advice. Becoming a mom is learned day by day, it's normal to need help.
Your partner, your family, your entourage or even the maternity staff will be able to support you at this time when you are feeling hypersensitive. So do not hesitate to delegate tasks where your presence is not essential, and too bad if certain tasks are postponed or less well performed for a while. Now is the time to play your network of friends, call your sisters or your mother! And as you talk about it, you will see that you are not alone in this situation and that many have gone through the same difficult times as you.
To get by, Jenifer decided to talk about it "I didn't hesitate to communicate, to talk to the doctors, to the midwife. I didn't hesitate to let go of what was on my mind. " Behavior that actually helps during a baby blues. "Talking about it, the baby, the coming together, breastfeeding have helped me a lot to reconcile and heal this abrupt lack that I had after giving birth. »No taboo around motherhood should prevent you from communicating your feelings. Sharing your experience will only be beneficial, as motherhood is often too idealized when in reality it is far from rosy – many mothers will tell you.
Read also: Parental burn-out: how to recognize it and overcome it?
Does the baby blues last long?
Generally, the baby blues period is very transient and lasts only one to two weeks. So don't be worried, after a few days everything will be fine. Sometimes it even lasts only 24 to 48 hours. "It went quickly, I didn't keep it long. After that it came back sometimes in small passages. For example when my baby was sleeping, when I didn't have him in my arms, I had a miss ", Jenifer tells us.
“What helped me was trying to see the bright side. I started to get better when I had this feeling of being useful, but otherwise. A birth is an amazing gift, I felt rewarded with life and even though we don't live in a very pleasant world, I created a bubble around me and the baby. I took care of myself thanks to him. The energy, increased tenfold by the arrival of my baby in my life, came to cure me of this baby blues.
As a mom, you have to trust each other, each has her experience there is no law, no rule, it's according to her feeling, her instinct and that's how it works. Nothing is written ", Jenifer concludes.
To get past the baby blues, be sure to rest, ask the dad or second mom to take over as much as possible, and take time for you. Yes, you have become a mother, but you are also human and you have needs. And above all, take the guilt off! The perfect mother does not exist. Your child just needs a healthy, happy mom for their healthy development. Again, never hesitate to seek advice or talk to a midwife or doctor.
Read also: Baby blues, who to contact?
What if it continues?
If after 15 days things are not improving, and the feelings of constant stress and sadness are still there, do not hesitate to see a doctor. They will see if you have real postpartum depression that needs medication. Postpartum depression is a psychiatric disorder that affects about 10% to 20% of new mothers. It is manifested by a persistent feeling of intense guilt or a belief in an inability to care for the baby. Often combined with great fatigue, even thoughts of death or even hallucinations, it requires real care under penalty of sequelae in the mother-child bond, which does not, a priori, lead to the baby blues.
A doctor can also, if necessary, refer you to a psychotherapist. Indeed, perhaps your anxiety is due to difficulties buried in the relationship with your own parents, in particular with your mother. A few support sessions can then be important to resolve the problem.