May I introduce myself? My name is Katrin, I am 30 years old and pregnant. In which week I am, I never know exactly – to the horror of many young mothers. Am I a bad pregnant?
“Are you pregnant? Congratulations, what week are you in?” – “Ueäähm … the baby is to come on June 21st!” Silence. Terrified look of my counterpart.
I’ve had such conversations lately, because my baby bump is now obvious. And every time I feel this slightly judgmental look of my counterpart resting on me, because with me just not like the gun, the pregnancy week (SSW) shot, as with many other mothers.
Yes, I admit it: If I write here and now that I’m in the SSW 25 + 3 today, I know that only because I’ve just reached into my pocket and peppered in my mother pass.
In which SSW I am? I have to look.
For many mothers and pregnant women – whether acquaintances, relatives or strangers – this seems somehow a sacrilege. A sin. A crime . Especially those who remember (or are in) their first pregnancy find it very bad that I do not know which SSW I am. Of course you always knew it – some even to the exact day. How could I not know something like that?
Why this horror? Maybe because these women dismiss my ignorance as a disinterest in my baby. But that is not so. It’s a lot simpler: I just have (else) in mind.
I think I’m not “pregnant”
I work full-time, volunteer, have two puppies who want to be cared for, a budget that I have to throw and I am looking for a place to live with my partner (which is a huge effort and incredibly stressful in big cities like Hamburg ). I commute to my home every few weeks and commute to work and back every day for just under an hour. If I have done all the obligations, I just do not look straight into the maternal passport and calculate how “old” my unborn baby is right now. Somehow I do not feel it necessary to know it exactly. Only when the evil looks of the mothers meet, I somehow feel guilty. Because the thing with the SSW is not the only thing that I do not seem to be “pregnant” compliant.
In addition to my little-changed eating habits , I seem less concerned about precepts and prohibitions in pregnancy than the non-plus ultra-pregnant women. So I still go to the sauna regularly, what worries me “Are you quite sure that you are allowed to do that?” brings. To begin with, I’m pretty sure … my gynecologist said it would be okay and Google has no objection to experienced saunas. That’s enough for me. The reproachful skepticism of my interlocutors does not shake that up.
“Are you quite sure that you are allowed that?”
In addition to the food and the sauna, lately I have also been bowling. I do not know if “one” may or may not be allowed to do so as a pregnant woman. This thought came to me, however, only when I threw the twelve-pound bowling ball against the pins for the fifth time. Hm. I was six months pregnant. Or so about the shoot. In between, my baby kicked me once. Then I threw a strike. I dedicated it to my baby. My conclusion: I think he will become a true sportsman.
Then there would be the matter of the pregnancy symptoms. The fact that I never know exactly in which SSW I am, I also do not know what symptom could surprise me. I only inquire when I notice something new. Recently, I was sick, I could not classify, thought that belongs only in the first trimester, because I feel in the second trimester very unschwanger, as far as complaints. A quick look into the Internet told me that in the SSW (I’ve recalculated before of course, and now forgotten again) would be normal. It would only be a sign of the baby’s growth spurt. That comes out, I think my stomach is getting bigger day by day. I calmed down my cell phone and returned to my everyday life.
I do not have, I’ll do it, let’s see
Then there would be the topics of conversation among pregnant women and mothers. If I had already applied for an initial equipment for the baby? Do I already have a nursing pillow? How long did I want to go on parental leave? My answers: I do not have, I’ll do it and let’s see. My conscience after these talks: slightly bad. Am I worrying too little about my baby, the pregnancy , motherhood?
Finally, it should not go unmentioned how strange I feel if I do not hype the pregnancy as some other mothers do. The mom of a 2-year-old, who was close to me, recently said that she can not wait to get pregnant again. It would have been such a nice time (what ?!). For me, pregnancy is more the means to an end. I have to stop by if I want to have a baby.
Pregnancy? For me, a means to an end
When I look at these experiences, conversations and questions of mothers and pregnant women, I can not help wondering occasionally whether I am a “bad” pregnant woman. I hardly fulfill any expectation of my fellow human beings. I am not a cliché pregnant that hypnotizes or makes pregnant or motherhood the center of her life. As long as my baby is in me and not on me, that will probably not change. Will I become one of those mothers after the birth who is flying around in helicopter style? I doubt it. But will I see when the time comes?
I do not condemn any of these mothers who are worried about taking care of their baby right or early, planning to fully enjoy their pregnancy. I’m more of a type of person who accepts any kind of motherhood or pregnancy and is convinced that each of these strong women knows what’s best for their child.
I wish for an acceptance of all Mamaformen
I have friends and relatives who are there for their toddler 24 hours a day. I also have those who write an exam in medical studies a few days before the scheduled date of discharge and a few days later disappear back into the lecture hall, while the dad cares for the baby.
I admire both types of motherhood and all dimensions in between. What I wish for is a culture of acceptance of all forms of mafia. And is not it ultimately every mother herself who knows what is best for her child? We should all remember that before we make other mothers feel they are doing something “not right”.
Dear Mom and Expectant Mom: Let us stick together instead of fighting each other. Listen to your gut feeling and do not let it unsettle you. Now I try to take this advice myself to heart and no longer be irritated by show pregnant women.