Amazon: The funniest product reviews on the internet

For many people, Amazon reviews are the first place to go after the item description to find out more about a product. What does “critical mass” say about the TV, mixer, dress, or book I’ve had my eye on? Sometimes the reviews are very extensive, meticulous – and very critical. But in some cases they just make us laugh. We have singled out six such cases.

The six funniest product reviews on Amazon

From gummy bears to UFO detectors and even radioactive uranium: These customer reviews not only show that you can really buy anything from the online mail order company, but have sometimes brought tears of laughter to our eyes.

The king penguin

Customers are not always dissatisfied with the product. In this case, the owner is very happy about his penguin mask, which he uses for educational measures – definitely worthy of discussion.

“I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my kids. They are terrified of the mask. Whenever they protest about bedtime or want too much candy, I put the mask on and they soon know who the king penguin is.”

The unreliable UFO warning device

Some people have a great fear of being abducted and examined by aliens. For these people there is – of course – the right product: the UFO detector. Unfortunately, the device doesn’t seem to do its job quite as this person complains.

“Ok I bought this stupid thing and I’m driving along feeling safe and at peace when suddenly my engine stalls and my Ford starts floating towards Saturn and THEN the stupid detector goes out. Then it hits me: the electronics fails when there’s a UFO nearby!Plus, I don’t need a device to tell me I’m about to be beamed up again!

It’s like buying those stupid weather stones – if the stone is missing, the tornado is already there!

At least the rock is eco-friendly, unlike the batteries this thing uses.”

Gummy Bears from Hell

The following product is a pack of sugar-free gummy bears. We refrain from setting a link for the given occasion (it is currently not available anyway), because the sweetener that replaces sugar is not gratefully received by all stomachs.

“Oh man… words can’t express what happened to me after eating this candy. The gummy bear ‘cleanse.’ If you’re someone who can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy it. If you’re like the dozens of people who tried my order, run away!

First of all I would give it a 5 for the taste. So good. Soft, unflavored fruit flavors like the sugar variety… I was a happy camper.

BUT not long after I ate about 20 of these, all all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like I could never have imagined. Cramps, sweats, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I’ve had food poisoning from bad shellfish before, and it was almost like a walk in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the bloating. Good heavens, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to hell… the stench like 1,000 rotting corpses had vomited. I couldn’t stand staying in one room for fear of choking on my own stench.

But wait; there is more. What came out of me felt like someone had tried to run Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw spewing out a torrential torrent of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was even a little funny (for a nanosecond) because it was just beyond anything I could imagine.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

Things came out of me that I ate at my 2005 wedding.

I had FIVE pounds of these innocent looking, delicious tasting HELL BEARS so I told a friend what had happened to me because I figured it MUST be some kind of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute and despite my warnings and vivid descriptions I decided her to take the risk and take her off my hands.

Dumb woman. She called me while sitting on the toilet (after all, one lives in the bathroom for a while) and told me that she really wished she had listened to me. I think she cried.”

uranium for domestic use

You can really buy anything on Amazon – at least the fact that you can buy radioactive uranium from a shopping dealer should wipe away all doubts (at least in the US). But don’t take too long opening the pack, as this person found.

“I bought this product 4.47 billion years ago and when I opened it today it was half empty.”

Where is the user manual?

Some products seem to really need instructions – otherwise they may end up being used for things they really weren’t intended for. As in this case.

“Causes too much pain and agony. I don’t know why it’s so popular these days, I’ll just use toilet paper.”

The grandma above the couch

We didn’t even know about some products that we absolutely need them in our lives. This apparently happened to the person who decided to put a picture of an elderly lady with asthma spray on the wall.

“I never knew I wanted something like this, but now with Nana peeping over the couch in my living room, I can’t imagine my life in front of her.”

Source used: amazon.com

cs
barbara