When we get to know someone, we form our first opinion about them in a flash (and they think about us!). According to Harvard professor Amy Cuddy, two questions in particular play a major role …
Shake hands once, look carefully in the eyes, take a quick look at shoes, hairstyle and outfit and, whoosh, a complete first impression has emerged – from a person we only know for a few seconds. At the first encounter, it is well known that the most mundane little things decide how we feel about a person and into which drawer in our head we temporarily sort them. All these little things, however, according to Harvard professor Amy Cuddy, are collected and used to answer two crucial questions:
- Can i trust this person?
- Can I respect this person?
Trust beats respect
For around 15 years, the psychologist has been concerned with how this mysterious first impression is created, which manifests itself in our brain within seconds and if necessary the foundation of our relationships can lay. In her book "Your body speaks for you: work from within, convince, radiate" she presents her most important findings and reveals, among other things, how we leave a positive first impression on our counterpart.
Like most psychologists, Cuddy is certain that the way we make an initial judgment about a person anchored deep within us is and at least to some extent with the evolution explains: "From an evolutionary point of view, it is essential for survival to know whether a person deserves your trust," says the psychologist. Very, very earlier, when people were not yet organized in large societies based on the division of labor and there was competition for mere survival, it was of the greatest advantage to look directly at a person to see whether they were up to something bad (e.g. plunder the supplies) or whether one could ally with it (e.g. in the fight against the saber-toothed tiger, when hunting or starting a family …).
So the question is "can I trust this person?" according to Cuddy even today the more important and fundamental one: "If you try to influence someone who does not trust you, you will not get very far. You will probably even arouse their suspicions and be classified as manipulative." It is true that it is important and indispensable, especially in a professional or professional context, to appear competent and respectable to others – but not necessarily an advantage without a basis of trust! In case of doubt, someone who appears authoritative on the first impression, but not trustworthy, is unconsciously perceived as a threat instead of being admired.
In this respect, the most important rule for a good first impression is also one that usually has a positive effect on the ongoing relationship: Be authentic! Because people feel when you are pretending to be. And to fool others in the long run, nobody can hold out anyway …