Ann-Marlene Henning asks: Are you too close?

Your partner and you are just inseparable? Sounds great – but is that too much of a good thing? Bestselling author Ann-Marlene Henning explains.

The romantics among you will now think: Huh? How can you be TOO close? But love experts know that a healthy relationship consists of the right balance between closeness and distance. This is the subject of bestselling author and sexologist Ann-Marlene Henning in her book "Liebespraxis". For us, she has put together the 10 most important signs of a relationship that is too close:

Ann-Marlene Henning

1. You only speak in "we" form

A relationship does not mean merging with one person. It is important to maintain your individuality and to have your own hobbies, friends and plans.

2. You speak to your partner by the mouth

You notice that you no longer express your own opinion if you think you know that the other person will not like it. But love does not always mean agreeing with one another, but rather trusting yourself to keep your own – even when your beloved partner is around.

3. You are overly careful with him

In conversations you repeatedly emphasize: "I don't mean it bad …" or "I don't say it to hurt you …". It is good to be considerate of the other person, but if you want to take care of the other so much that you have to repeatedly announce your positive intention, you will see your partner as weak – this is usually very unsexy.

4. You want to smile away in a bad mood

You smile at important (and also unpleasant or serious) conversations or topics as if you had to "keep the good mood". But even a bad mood can be okay; it's more about you talking to each other anyway – and finding a solution or a compromise.

5. You no longer make your own decisions

Consideration and flexibility are good, but not when it means really having to discuss everything first. Everyone should also be able to have their own area, where they can and may determine alone without consent.

6. You don't want to do anything with others

You keep rejecting invitations to prefer to be at home with your partner. Togetherness can be good and important to keep a life of your own as well. Anyone who experiences exciting things without a partner has more to tell when they get home.

7. When you don't utter your sexual desires

When everything is "peace, joy, pancakes" during sex and no one dares to be egotistical and to ask the other for something for their own enjoyment, it gets boring – in the best case scenario F. With many couples, sex stops at some point. Having wishes and desires does not mean selfishness, but healthy hedonism.

8. If you always follow your partner

Does the following conversation sound familiar to you? "What would you like to do?" The answer: "I do what you want." Then comes: "Me too, I want to know what you want most." This may lead to a decision (or not!), But no one ever learns what the other really wants. The (deceptive) security of "luckily agreeing" is so high that individuality is no longer possible.

9. If you avoid any quarrel

You avoid any argument because you are so concerned about the consequences that everyone prefers to bite into their own frustration. None of you notice it. You just wonder why there is no tension in the relationship, often including seduction or sex.

10. When you need constant confirmation from your partner

It has become particularly important to you to be confirmed by your partner – you yourself are no longer enough. That makes you dependent on the other. It would be better if you knew and appreciated yourself so well that you would find it nice when the partner pays you a compliment, but you can break free of it and stay in a good mood if he doesn't.

Does it all sound bleak?

You mean it has nothing to do with love? Yes, because adult, differentiated "love" requires two independent individuals who would also get along without the other.

Two people who do not live in subliminal worry that the other could leave them and they would then die with misery and grief. The romantic symbiosis bubble from the beginning is just a short-term matter and an illusion. Bubbles always burst! Love, on the other hand, means some work, namely to get to know the other – and learn to appreciate – and yourself too. That is only possible if it truly shows itself to the other – and so does you.

Would you like to learn more about sex, relationships and partnerships from Ann-Marlene Henning? A good match: On March 30th, she will be our guest at our BRIGITTE ACADEMY Balance Day – and there are still tickets ?

Liebespraxis - book cover

You can find even more exciting tips in the book "Liebespraxis" by Ann-Marlene Henning (14.99 euros, Rowohlt).