Bullying, depression, schizophrenia and two suicide attempts: Anna Kunze has already seen a lot when she was in her mid-twenties. Today the young woman informs others about her illness. Her goal: to become the public voice of schizophrenics.
At the age of 16, Anna Kunze heard voices while cleaning the bathroom – but nobody was at home. A horror that becomes real. Anna is terrified and no longer understands the world. At 19, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Anna is shocked, thinks her life is over now, as she tells in the “Mental Talk” conversation.
In psychiatry, she would have wished for a convalescent companion who would show her that one can live with the mental illness. Anna finds herself in clinics, does her Abitur, but then breaks off her studies and has no job prospects.
Anna experiences delusions and hallucinations
As a schizophrenic, you fall through the cracks. The job center titled sends them to a workshop for the disabled. Anna does not feel challenged. You can do a lot more. Today she explains about schizophrenia, because there are many prejudices.
BRIGITTE: How would you describe your illness to outsiders?
Anna Kunze: There is me, my sensations, feelings and impressions that are familiar to me. Then there is the disease, a part of me that I don’t know. I hear or see things and I am convinced that they are true. For example, there have been times when I heard a doorbell but my partner didn’t. When he told me that, I only noticed that my brain had played a trick on me again.
When she was 19, Anna Kunze was diagnosed with schizophrenia.
© private
Then there are delusions. These are thoughts that I often have to do with fear of persecution, control, or manipulation. It is difficult to dissuade me from them. I then think, for example, that my apartment is bugged. When my partner says that this is not true, I think delusively that he is in league with “them” and distrust him.
What prejudices about schizophrenia have you encountered?
I am often asked how many personalities I have. But that is a completely different disease.
What many do not know: In addition to physical and mental disabilities, there are also mental disabilities – schizophrenia is one of them.
In addition, not everyone who hears voices is schizophrenic. The acoustic hallucination can also occur in other diseases. Many think that schizophrenics are more violent. However, those affected tend to turn the violence against themselves.
There is also a prejudice that schizophrenic people cannot work properly. Many are then employed in a workshop for disabled people or receive early retirement. But there are also many counterexamples where it works and who even study.
When you were around 14 you had your first suicide attempt and went to a psychiatric hospital – at the time because of depression.
In 2009 my grandma, who was very close to me, died. At the same time, I was extremely bullied in school and after school on the Internet. Both of these stressed me so much that I first started hurting myself and later tried to kill myself with pills. Fortunately, nothing happened. My mother then instructed me in child and adolescent psychiatry. After that I changed schools. I’ve been in therapy since then.
So those affected suffer from depression
9 pictures
Anna hears voices, but nobody is home
You had the first schizophrenic symptoms when you were 16. You suddenly heard voices while cleaning your bathroom.
These were early warning symptoms. They occur years before the onset of schizophrenia – in the so-called prodromal stage. When I realized that no one was at home, I was utterly scared. I didn’t even know what was wrong with me. Even now I am still scared when I hear voices. The last time I called my best friend right away because I needed a real voice to distract myself.
When you were 19 you were diagnosed with schizophrenia. Were you relieved or shocked?
On the one hand I was shocked, on the other hand it was kind of reassuring. I was then given medication which made the symptoms better. I have read a lot about the disease and learned that it can be treated well with therapies and medication. That gave me hope. Not all schizophrenia is chronic. I belong to the third in whom a psychosis occurs in phases, but also goes away again.
Workshop for the disabled: Anna feels like a failure
In your worst crisis, when you were in the clinic for eight months, you wanted a convalescent companion who would explain your illness to you better and give you the certainty that everything will be fine again.
Recovery companions are said to be increasingly used in clinics, but the reality is completely different. In the clinic, you have rounds for a few minutes once or twice a week and, if you’re lucky, a psychological interview once a week. The rest of the time you are mostly on your own.
When I was 18, I thought I was terminally ill and my life was over. During this time I would have loved to have someone who could show me that you can live with schizophrenia.
You needed a perspective, but fell through the grid …
Total, I was in clinics for months. I had to break off my studies, my training was terminated, and I couldn’t do the work with the federal voluntary service either. The job center later said that I was sick and had to go to a workshop for the disabled. Work therapy did not challenge me. I felt like a failure. I have a very good high school diploma and studied social work.
Voluntary work creates prospects
What will help you to cope better with the disease?
In psycho-education I learned a lot about my illness. During metacognitive training, I was then taught to question my psychotic thoughts. For example: How likely is it that the Federal Intelligence Service is after me? That is of course very unlikely. I also have a crisis pass with the number of my therapist and the clinic on it. What is also good for me is the exchange with others and my voluntary work in two associations.
Exactly, you co-founded the self-help network EX-IN LV Sachsen eV and you go for the project “Crazy? So what!” in school classes to raise awareness of bullying. Where did you get this decision from?
Teenagers are the audience I want to reach. At that age I was bullied and got mentally ill. I want to make it clear to young people what bullying can trigger and that in the worst case it can destroy lives.
I want to be the voice of the schizophrenics. Many do not dare to talk about it in public because one is quickly stamped.
I am also currently training to be a recovery companion. I would like to support others.
Anna’s goals in life: complete marriage and education
You have a so-called spoon list that you wrote after your second suicide attempt. What is this exactly?
The idea comes from the film “The best comes at the end”. Two sick men get to know each other in the hospital who want to experience things before they give up the spoon. So I have set myself certain goals in life that I still want to achieve. This is an incentive to keep going through difficult times
What other wishes or goals do you have for the future?
One of the best moments of my life was when I saw the Northern Lights in Iceland. What else do I want to do? I definitely want to get married and complete my training to become a recovery companion.
Sources used: own interview