What really matters
Anyone who internalizes this wisdom will live a long, happy life
© elinacious / Adobe Stock
In the stress of everyday life, we often lose sight of what is important. What really matters for a contented life.
We all want a long, happy life – although what makes each person happy is of course very individual. Youth is often described as the happiest time of life – what a sad idea if that were really the case!
In fact, not only would many people in mid-life and beyond disagree with this view, but science also comes to a very different conclusion: that’s how we are, according to a British study Study shows that we are happy in our 20s, 30s and 40s – but we are happiest between the ages of 65 and 79.
Another Investigation shows that older people are less likely to suffer from depression than younger people – another indication that older people are not fundamentally lonely, dissatisfied and bitter, as younger people in particular are, according to one Investigation on behalf of the anti-discrimination agency.
But what ensures that these people are so satisfied? It probably doesn’t come automatically with age. This fact also made the sociologist Karl Pillemer curious. “I continue to meet older people, many of whom have lost a loved one, experienced enormous hardships and have serious health problems, but who are still very fulfilled and enjoying life,” he says in an interview with the online magazine “CNBC Make it”.
His idea: Maybe older people would have internalized something that younger people wouldn’t see – which led him to conduct a seven-year study in which he asked older people about their practical advice for the younger generations. He summarized his results in the book “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans” – we present some of them in more detail in this article.
This is the most important lesson for a long, happy life
“The older the respondents are, the more likely they are to say that life goes by in a flash,” says Pillemer, summarizing his results. “Life is short” – a sentence that we have probably all heard before. It should be a warning to us about the transience of existence. Or also a reminder to be careful with the time we spend on earth. Hard to imagine for younger people, the finitude ultimately becomes clearer for people of old age.
What do people regret most in old age? One respondent summed it up like this: “Worrying is how you waste your life. I wish I had known this in my 30s and not in my 60s. Then I would have had so much more time to enjoy my life.” If you worry, you are stressed; if you are stressed, your body is constantly on alert – which can lead to sleep disorders, headaches and, in the long term, mental and/or physical illnesses. The time we have is limited, so why devote most of it to worry?
Valuable further advice
What unites many older people whom the sociologist interviewed for his research: clarity. About what’s important in life – and about the things they’ll never get back. Many of us may know the feeling of drifting aimlessly in life, at the mercy of the flow of life like a jellyfish to the currents of the sea. In such moments, it may be helpful to focus on the things in life that really count – and to which we may already give the necessary space without even realizing it. The respondents gave Pillemer – and anyone who would listen – the following advice:
- Show the people you care about how much you value them
- Apologize to those you have wronged
- Spend as much time as possible with those who are important to you (children, parents, partners, friends…)
- Enjoy daily joys instead of always working toward and waiting for “big purchases.”
- Do a job you love
- Choose your partner carefully – don’t rush into a relationship
Sources used: cnbc.com, ons.gov.uk, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, antidiskriminierungsstelle.de, Gesund.bund.de