Are you a girlfriend fluffer? Here’s how to avoid playing this toxic role in a romantic relationship

There are signs that are unmistakable. According to an expert, a woman should ask herself 18 questions to find out if she is compatible with a man. For an indestructible marriage, there are 15 golden rules, and there are 8 things that happy couples (almost) never do. But how to spot a toxic romantic relationship you’re in what we call a “girlfriend fluffer” ?

This concept designates a girlfriend who unintentionally prepares her partner for his next girlfriend. In The Independent, relationship coach Sabrina Bendory discusses this trend, which she sees a lot around her. These women become “soft toys” who try to convince men to have a relationship with them when they don’t want anything serious. They are then used to help them regain their self-confidence and mojo before moving on. How to avoid this?

Why do you become a “girlfriend fluffer”?

The expert analyzes the reasons for some women to become chronic “girlfriend fluffers”, in particular be attracted to projects. They want to repair or heal their partner, probably because they themselves are emotionally unavailable. However, a man who feels like he is not contributing anything will surely find himself unhappy and will not stay in such a relationship. He may also associate his partner with a bad situation, although she supports and helps him, and despite his recognition.

Sabrina Bendory therefore advises thinking about one thing: why we choose to date this person. It can be a codependent relationship and this is not sustainable because it quickly becomes toxic. We also have to ask ourselves what we are investing in the relationship.

How to avoid this toxic role in your romantic relationship?

But for the coach, it could also be due to timing : “when a man is ready to get married and a woman has what he wants, it happens very quickly”. The little details don’t seem to interest them that much. She takes the example of Leonardo DiCaprio: it is clear that he does not want to commit, and that does not make him a bad person. She specifies: “It has been scientifically proven that when men find themselves in an emotional and fragile situation, they become selfish and unable to show empathy”.

It is therefore up to you to communicate well, to know the level of commitment of your partner and their investment. “Think about how you treat yourself”, she summarizes. Then she adds: “Make sure you fuel your own self-love strategy. When it comes to issues, it’s not what you say, but how you say it that matters”. Remember to congratulate him on what he does well, starting from love and compassion, to be listened to and truly discuss.

Editor for Aufeminin since 2022, Charlotte is passionate about cinema, French and international, and a fortune reader. Curious about everything, she talks as much about personalities as…