Barbara Becker
"A huge wave of pain flooded me"
Barbara Becker at a TV appearance.
© imago images / Sven Simon
Barbara Becker experienced the Empty Nest Syndrome. Here she explains what helped her after the two sons were away.
The designer and fitness expert Barbara Becker (54) has written a very personal book about the Empty Nest Syndrome together with the journalist Christiane Soyke. In "Mama alone at home" (Verlag Graefe und Unzer, 17.99 euros) the two friends describe how they first fell into a deep hole after the children moved out, but thanks to their sisterhood, lots of humor and long postponed dreams, their new ones Learned to enjoy part of life. In an interview, Barbara Becker, who has children Noah (27) and Elias (21) with her ex-husband Boris Becker (53), reveals how it is when she sees her sons today.
Was the departure of your sons really such a decisive event for you?
Barbara Becker: I think that's it for all parents. For 25 years my life revolved around the well-being of my children. Suddenly they fledged and lived on another continent, my life no longer had any structure. I was sitting alone at home in my empty nest. The children run into their future with verve and joy and we parents are left alone on the sofa in amazement and ask ourselves: What now?
Didn't you want to catch up on everything that you had previously postponed?
Becker: Not immediately. I had to learn for a few months to cope with myself, to create my own everyday life. To get up even though no more children wanted breakfast or had to go to school. Yes, you are free, but it takes time to see the good things about it. At first there was a huge wave of pain that flooded me.
And what has helped you the most?
Becker: My innate optimism, daily meditation and sports. But above all two elementary insights: That you don't lose your children – just because they live somewhere else. And that my grown friendships, my sisterhood around me, could also support me in this reorientation of my life. We tell about the way we women helped each other in our book, because my co-author Christiane Soyke and I lived through the Empty Nest at the same time and after many conversations the idea for this book came up. Fortunately, we see our children regularly and now we meet on a different, equal level because we mothers have learned to shed old patterns. So this time the learning process lies primarily with us parents.
What is different today when your children visit you?
Becker: You see a lot with different eyes. Nothing can be taken for granted anymore. Not even the morning porridge or smoothie I make for her. For years I had to force my children to eat a healthy breakfast, now they are happy like snow kings that I make the effort in the morning, roast the seeds, snip the fruit and everything is ready when they get up. The children often say thank you profusely for the food, while in the past it was often complained that we always have healthy food, while our friends sometimes have Tex-Mex food on the table. And, best of all, if I need help, I just have to ask again and not explain forever why the heavy box now has to be carried into the house. We used to discuss things like that for ages.
Do your children tell you about their plans?
Becker: You rarely ask for advice, but you involve me in a different way. You look for cooperation with your mother. Noah built me into his music videos and Elias was commissioned to shoot a commercial and built me into it. There are actually moments when my kids recognize me as cool. That's a pretty good feeling.