“I am now playing the main role of my present”
Barbara Becker, 54, is not only a brand of its own, but also the proud mother of two sons. Noah Becker, 27, and Elias Becker, 22, are now grown men and have left their maternal nest. At the Lascana Mummy Dinner, the actress and designer spoke to GALA about the new priorities in her life and how the relationship with her sons has changed over the years.
The children move out and suddenly the center of life has shifted over the past twenty years: Many mothers and fathers are familiar with the feeling that Barbara Becker describes in her book “Mama alone at home” and that she had at the mummy dinner of the lingerie label Lascana share with other strong women and mothers. Between the pain of parting and the empty nest syndrome, there are also new opportunities to make yourself a priority. The mother of two took advantage of this and she tells us in an interview how she managed to play the main role in her life again.
GALA: How has your mother role changed over the years?
Barbara Becker: The good thing is that children don’t grow up overnight. As a mother, you are slowly introduced: from “the child needs you completely” to “the child needs you less and less”. Noah and Elias need me now for special, special questions. And that’s why I’ve got used to being asked sometimes more and sometimes less. In the meantime I’ve made friends with the fact that they need me temporarily and sporadically – sometimes more and sometimes not anymore. But of course the connection remains.
What new priorities have you set now?
In the past, my everyday life was always determined by the appointments and holidays of the children. Today I am making my own schedule. I take vacation as it suits me. But I cannot deny that I sometimes travel after my children too. When I see that the boys are in one place for two weeks, I think “Oh, I’ll be there too!”. But actually I’m trying to make my own plan. It’s a whole new story when you can make up your own mind. Sometimes it works better and sometimes I have no plan at all! But fortunately I have friends who do similar things and who are at my side with words and deeds.
Has your attitude towards you changed?
I got to know each other again. In the past it wasn’t always asked what I want or when I want what. As a mother, the center of life is always the children – regardless of whether you are employed or not. Even if it is often not perceived that way, it’s all about you. Everything else is then not irrelevant, but second fiddle. But now I am the main role in my present and future.
Are you and your sons best friends?
So we are not friends, I have to say, we love each other. We are on an equal footing, but I never wanted me to be the children’s friend. We have a very close relationship and I am always told a lot. But we really do have a mother-son relationship, which I also foster intensely.
How do you achieve such a good mother-son relationship?
Especially in difficult times like puberty, I would advise doing a lot together. So to create a kind of ritual together, like a hobby. For example, we started meditating together. It is important to always have a point of contact in life. It is also very important to reconnect with one another after an argument. So that, even if there is a crash, you can get back together on the same or the next day.
Barbara Becker is now here in Germany for another week to visit events and her mother. As soon as it gets colder here, however, they are drawn back to their warm home, to Florida. “I’m just a sun child!”