Beautiful measuring effect
Why are you less able to forgive yourself than others?
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Many people find it difficult to show themselves vulnerable and admit their own weaknesses to others. One reason for this is the so-called beautiful measurement effect. You can find out what this is all about here.
When other people show themselves to be vulnerable, we now usually see that as a strength. We admire influencers who are honest about their struggles on social media. They share how they battle an eating disorder or how they try to find a healthier lifestyle after burnout. We sympathize with people who admit their mistakes and apologize. When a person tells us about their weaknesses and sore points in an intimate, personal relationship, it typically brings us closer to each other. He expresses that he trusts us and invites us to trust him as well.
We admire others for something we are ashamed of
However, what we admire in others we often only admit with great difficulty, if at all, to ourselves. Although there are many benefits to showing vulnerability, and even though we often feel the need to share and confide in someone, we often find it surprisingly difficult to do so. One of the reasons for this is certainly the fact that when we reveal our vulnerabilities, we make ourselves vulnerable. Showing vulnerability not only offers benefits, but also carries risks. However, that is by no means the only thing that inhibits us. Another obstacle on the way to vulnerability is a phenomenon for which the name “beautiful measurement effect” has been established: We see and evaluate other people differently than we do ourselves. What we find or admire in others can be beautiful in us themselves appear hateful and disgusting. And what we don’t like about ourselves, other people may find admirable and strong. Well. What a mess.
How does the Beautiful Mess effect occur?
One reason for these different perceptions lies in the different perspectives or the different distances at which we look at the object of observation – the person in question. We are incredibly close to ourselves. We see and know even the smallest, dirtiest details of our vulnerabilities, knowing what consequences they have for us and our lives. We can’t just turn around and forget about them: we have them in front of us all the time and have to find a way to deal with them. Should we find the baggage we have to carry beautiful and celebrate it?
However, if we look at other people who tell us about their baggage, we see a completely different picture: a person who has a lot to bear and somehow manages to do it. Whatever lies behind the “somehow,” from this perspective the person in question inevitably appears admirable and strong.
What use is the Beautiful Mess effect to us?
The Beautiful Mess effect alone probably won’t necessarily make it easier for us to accept our weaknesses and sore points or even to find them beautiful. However, knowing Him can help us to communicate ourselves to other people and show ourselves vulnerable: What we struggle with and struggle with will most likely not be a reason for them to devalue or condemn us, but, on the contrary, to appreciate us even more to like, respect and trust. Sharing ourselves can, in turn, help us to better cope with our vulnerability. On the one hand, because it gives us a different perspective on ourselves. On the other hand, because it makes it easier and less stressful for us not to have to hide our baggage from the whole world. In most cases, it’s worth showing vulnerability. But unfortunately that doesn’t make it easy.
Sources used: spektrum.de, bigthink.com