Benjamin Melzer on his transition: “I just wanted to be happy”

Benjamin Melzer, 35, is a successful international model, took part in the “Summer House of the Stars” with his fiancée Sissi Hofbauer, 26, last year – and is writing his book “Finally Ben: Transgender – My Way from Girl to Man ” also went under the authors.

He was born as Yvonne. Ben Melzer talks to GALA about how it feels to be trapped in the wrong body, about gender reassignment measures and how much the necessary bureaucratic steps have made his path to happiness difficult.

Benjamin Melzer: “I just wanted to be happy”

GALA: You realized early on that your perceived gender identity doesn’t match the gender that’s on your birth certificate. How did that feel?
Benjamin Melzer:I sensed early on that something was different. But I couldn’t really name it. It started when I was three or four years old. When I was at the playground with my grandfather, I introduced myself to other children with Max. That runs like a red thread through my youth: I often gave myself boy names because I simply felt more comfortable in the role. With the beginning of puberty around the sexual awakening I started to question myself: “What am I actually now?” I always knew I wasn’t a lesbian, I was straight. However, this was at odds with my biologically female body.

It was a difficult process to find out what was wrong with me.

When did you realize you were a man?
When I was 18, I saw a report about Cher’s son, Chaz Bono. That opened my eyes because I felt the same. That was the first time I had a concept and was able to research it. Even if you couldn’t find much about it on the internet at the time. There was also no Instagram where you could follow other like-minded people.

When I searched Google, however, I was shown blatant surgical pictures. That put me off at first. I thought to myself, “I’m healthy and I’m so popular with women. Why should I do this to my body?” But by the time I was 23, I had reached the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. i broke down I didn’t care what people say. I didn’t care if my family turned their backs on me, if I lost everything. I just wanted to be happy.

His mother supported him the most

How did your parents react to that?
My parents had also seen the surgical pictures, whereupon my dad immediately advised me against it. He was very concerned because he knew I was going to have countless surgeries. But I told him in no uncertain terms, “I’ll walk the path either with you or without you.” I was very determined.In the end he said that I am his child, that he loves me more than anything and does not want to lose me.

who gave you the most support during this time?
My mom – with love and understanding. She was always by my side. Hormone therapy made me experience a second puberty. I was aggressive, impulsive, indignant – corrosive. I felt it but couldn’t control it. My mom understood everything and always found the right words. Even after every operation: when I opened my eyes, she was there. every time

“That almost broke me”

After hormone therapy and numerous surgeries, you have a surgical marathon behind you. Was there an operation you were particularly afraid of?
The penis structure. This is the biggest and at six to nine hours also the longest surgery. Before that I was afraid, also because I didn’t know if I would wake up and feel something later. But the surgeons in Munich and especially the anesthesiologist made me feel very good.

Despite the fear, I would have rather accepted not waking up again than not followed this path.

While that was the scariest surgery, it wasn’t the worst by a long shot.

Which one?
That came ten years later, in 2019. My erection prosthesis was defective and a small part had to be replaced. Unfortunately, everything went wrong with this change. I caught a germ that accompanied me for almost a year and a half. That almost broke me. I’ve never felt pain like this in my entire life. In contrast, all previous operations were child’s play.

That sounds awful.
That was it. I had to have seven surgeries. In all the years before that I had ten surgeries, within this one year it was seven. That was intense. But I always try to see the good in everything: we did it. I have an upgrade now, a new model and I’m fine now. (laughs)

“It opened old wounds”

Were you able to work through your experiences in writing your book “Endlich Ben”?
I wrote the book primarily for other sufferers. Because I didn’t find any answers to my questions back then. I would like to help those affected, provide clarification and open up the topic a little with humor.

Nevertheless, the intensive cooperation with my ghostwriter has brought about things that I had long suppressed. That opened up old wounds and reminded me of situations that weren’t nice.

I’ve never cried so much before.

Can you name one of these situations?
A very painful situation has to do with my father, who used to have a carpentry shop. We were at customers’ homes and advised them. When we were all seated at the table, the couple asked what “the young man” wanted to drink. My father then said, “This is my daughter.” Everyone laughed. I was even supposed to show my ID. Up to a certain point I laughed along, but then the customers also called their daughter. She should take a look too – as if I were a monkey in the zoo. My dad should have stood in front of me. That hurt me a lot.

The bureaucratic aspect of the transition was “sapping”

Before gender reassignment, all sorts of bureaucracy is also necessary. Can you briefly describe this process?
The first step is to see a psychologist. This checks whether you were really born in the wrong body. You can be in psychological care for up to a year before anything happens. For me it was six months. He also helped me apply for the reimbursement and legal aid applications for the name change. Because if only one word is wrongly formulated in the applications for the health insurance company, they will be rejected. After a lot of back and forth I got the go.

Sounds like a draining process.
This process is unnecessarily prolonged in Germany. The person who suffers is stalled. The worst are the name and civil status changes. Because I was allowed to start hormone therapy after I had been with a psychologist for a certain period of time. I got my first testosterone shots. My voice and my body have changed, I got small stubble. But my passport still said Yvonne. That always got me into awkward situations. Whether at a police check or when making card payments, I was often smiled at and exposed.

Even going to a public toilet or swimming pool – the most normal things became an ordeal.

How long did it take you to officially change your name?
Eight months. Eight months of getting testosterone already. In the end I only had to appear briefly in court, which was a matter of five minutes. And I’ve been waiting for this for so long. Something has to change in this regard. I didn’t choose to be like this. Then stones will be put in my way. At 23, I was relatively late, but there are much younger people who are taking this path and may break in the tiring process.

“I wanted to finally be finished”

That sounds very distressing. Did the transition itself also affect you psychologically?
In any case, the way is very tiring. Especially the surgeries because I couldn’t do anything but heal. I kept having to wait and put myself in the hands of the doctors. In those moments I felt powerless. If little things went wrong, which can happen, they had to be corrected with another intervention. I then waited three months for the last mistake to be corrected, and then again waited for it to go one step further. That took a toll on me.

I finally wanted to be done. But this path has allowed me to arrive at myself. I know who I am and I’m proud of it. I am happy.

Source used: instagram.com

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