Beware of “gamophobia”, this seemingly innocent fear that destroys the most promising relationships

It’s completely normal to feel apprehensive before making major life decisions or entering into new relationships. However, for some people, this apprehension can turn into deep anxiety whenever they consider commitment, whether in a long-term romantic relationship or marriage. This intense fear, known as “gamophobia“, goes beyond simple commitment concerns and can become a debilitating phobia specifically related to long-term romantic relationships or marriage.

As explained Psychology Today, people who struggle with gamophobia often have difficulty forming meaningful connections and may have difficulty functioning normally in their daily lives. Like other phobias, gamophobia is characterized by an irrational fear that far exceeds the real danger posed by commitment. These symptoms persist for a prolonged period of time, usually six months or more.

What are the causes of gamophobia?

Gamophobia usually results from an interaction of internal and external factors. Here are three:

• Past traumatic experiences : People who have suffered from abusive relationships may develop a deep fear of commitment as a defense mechanism to avoid emotional turmoil. For example, studies link the trauma of betrayal to increased symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Gamophobia then acts as a shield, protecting individuals from potential pain and vulnerability.
• Fear of loss of independence : Studies indicate that a lack of autonomy can lead to feelings of suffocation and resistance in relationships, often influenced by past experiences. Driven by this intense desire for independence, some come to view a long-term commitment, such as marriage, as a threat to their individuality.

• Underlying relationship issues : Gamophobia often stems from deeper psychological issues, such as attachment disorders, low self-esteem, and fear of intimacy. Insecure attachment styles, rooted in childhood experiences, can prevent the formation of secure bonds in adulthood. Low self-esteem promotes doubts about deserving love, while fear of intimacy leads to avoidance of emotional closeness and vulnerability. Research also suggests a correlation between having parents who never married and being the less committed partner.

These 2 strategies to overcome gamophobia

1. Introduce rituals symbolizing commitment

A study published in 2020 in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships showed that rituals modify couples’ perceptions of their partners, offering them the opportunity to see them in a new light. Rituals create a sacrosanct atmosphere for observing your partner and your relationship, serving as a recurring checkpoint that you and your partner pass through together. So don’t hesitate to create rituals that embody the essence of your relationship. Rituals can range from simple daily practices to acts marking important milestones.

2. Consider other options in your relationship

Recognize and respect your partner’s preferences so that you can create a relationship dynamic together that is safe and fulfilling for both of you. This may involve the following:

• Personalized Commitment Agreements: Choosing guidelines that define the parameters of the relationship, tailored to reflect the unique values, comfort, preferences and goals of both partners
• Companionship relationships: These emphasize companionship, friendship, and emotional intimacy over romantic or sexual relationships, which can provide relief for people suffering from gamophobia.

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