“Better to be alone than in bad company”: it seems that this adage is not necessarily true! Contrary to what one might think, the hearts (and minds) of single people are no lighter than those of committed individuals (whether they are in a couple, PACS, or married). There would be a mental charge linked to celibacy: the “single-bilities”.
If being single rhymes with being free as air (at least, when it comes to responsibilities towards a potential partner), the hearts of those concerned are not necessarily lighter… This is indeed what reveals a study conducted by the dating app Happn in 2022. Out of a panel of 1600 singles, 62% feel that celibacy is detrimental to their well-being and their personal development. In some cases, this marital status weighs so much on the morale and mentality of people who do not have a boyfriend and / or life partner, that it ends up turning into a mental burden. . We then speak of “single-bilities” – say “responsibilities associated with celibacy” in French.
In general, mental workload refers to “the fact of having to think simultaneously of things belonging to two physically separate worlds. For example, the mother at work who thinks about what she has to do in the evening when she comes home”explains psychiatrist Aurélia Schneider to our colleagues from Doctissimo. In the context of celibacy, the mental load therefore translates into the following behavior: we will frequently think about our single status (and not necessarily in a positive way); we are going to have intrusive thoughts, reflections that invite themselves on this subject even when the context is not favorable; we are going to think about all the responsibilities that come with remedying it; we will ruminate on the bad aspects…
In addition, singleness ranks first in the overall mental load of respondents: when they are asked to rank the topics that represent the most important mental load for them, it is their single status that rises to the top of the list. podium. Then we find, in order: work, money, family, and news.
In an era that challenges all traditional couple models, breaks all the codes of love, deconstructs all the injunctions related to romantic commitment, it would therefore seem that celibacy is not lived as well as that… But why ?
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Single-Bilities: where does this mental burden that weighs on single people come from?
It’s the feeling of loneliness that celibacy can engender that causes this burden. By remaining lovingly alone, single people can be alone at all and turn into lonely, depressed souls who experience isolation head-on. It is in this sense that the philosopher Aristotle affirmed: “man is a social animal”. He is made to live in community and in society. But sometimes, it happens that individuals have no boyfriend, no friend, no family to be around and on whom to count…
This feeling of loneliness and mental burden can also be fueled by the impossibility of confidingto relieve themselves and relieve themselves of this weight with their loved ones: 58% of them never speak to them about this malaise for fear of being misunderstood and/or judged.
Finally, paradoxically, the pressure to find love intensifies this mental load while we are trying to get rid of it. Whether it comes from society, their loved ones, or themselves, those who feel this pressure and want to break the dynamic also suffer the dating responsibilities.
Indeed, the quest for a romantic partner and the process of dating involve duties. You must first look for THE profile among the profiles, select it, get to know it, meet it (if you haven’t already done so), prepare to present yourself “in the best light”, spend money to fund the one-on-one(s), test compatibility, nurture the budding relationship… And all this takes energy, time and money.
Claire Rénier, head of trends at Happnexplains it to our counterparts in CNews : “Looking for love can be a real mental drain and a real expense. If you really want to give yourself the means, you can spend 3 hours a day choosing who is worth meeting and then investing money, thinking, maybe, that this meeting will give something .”
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An observation to put into perspective
Fortunately, not all singles are affected: celibacy does not necessarily lead to loneliness. It all depends on how you perceive your situation. Everything also depends on whether we have chosen it or whether we suffer it. Everything finally depends on the duration of said celibacy.
Be that as it may, for those who suffer from these single-bilities, deliverance would not come from a sudden encounter with love either: 40% of respondents believe that finding love overnight would not change much in their mental state.
And then, you are not unaware that being in a relationship involves responsibilities and commitments towards the loved one; commitments that constitute a mental load not to be neglected.
In each marital situation, its mental load…
Open-minded and in love with life, Emilie likes to decipher the new phenomena that shape society and relationships today. Her passion for the human being motivates her to write…