Bossing: When the boss is bullying

The day Mia (name changed by the editors) started at the new station, she was enthusiastic. As a nurse, everyday work is tough enough that she was happy to be welcomed in such a personal atmosphere. Everyone was on the go, we talked privately during the breaks and the hierarchies seemed very flat, unlike a hospital. "My boss Timo felt like a mentor, like someone who means damn well with you," she says. The fact that his wife Ina worked as a nurse in her own team didn't bother Mia either. Until the day Ina decided not to like Mia anymore and her husband began to express the antipathy between the two women at management level.

Bossing usually starts insidiously

At first it was just funny moments: a suspicious look, a harmless comment, a saying that was just half-funny. And then it started: Timo Mia kept calling for one-to-one talks. And over and over again he told her the same thing. He is not satisfied with her work, she is lazy and does not follow the rules. "Employees" reported that to him, including a senior physician from the team. When Mia asked for examples or asked for a mutual feedback conversation with the anonymous senior doctor concerned, Timo just snorted. No, it couldn't be more specific. She should just get better. With a little thought, you can see for yourself what is going wrong. But Mia thought and thought, but still did not find her wrongdoing. She asked colleagues and all senior physicians for feedback, remained completely confused between their adulation and Timo's one-to-one discussions. She began to have doubts about herself, her work, and her self-image. A few months later she barely slept, looking scared and exhausted. More and more frequently she had to beg for breaks after seven hours, listen to subliminal meanness in front of the team, and was not granted vacation days. Everything is always so subtle that Mia could hardly have accused him of anything in individual cases.

Women are often victims of bossing

Such scenarios are typical for bossing cases, according to Frieder Böhme, a consultant at ASSISTANCE / specialist office for corporate social work / Saxony. "This intelligent, very subtle type of bullying makes it particularly difficult for victims to defend themselves." Often the employee doesn't even know when it started, but: "Mobbing always has both a cause and a trigger," says Frieder Böhme. It often affects women for a variety of reasons. "On the one hand, women are often very unsettled when they return to work," he explains. "On the other hand, in his experience, sexual motives often play a role." Some bosses live out the sexual attraction to an employee through dominance in the professional relationship. “In general, power is a central motive for bullying at the boss level. In addition to insecure employees, often women, another group is hit more than average: the provocators. "Many superiors feel threatened by ricochets and lateral thinkers. This particularly affects bosses with low self-esteem. In their heads, serfdom has simply not been abolished and they need submission." Therefore the expert advises: If you already know that you tend to like to optimize things and structures, you should pay attention to a suitable, so-called "error-friendly" company when choosing a job. "There are companies that even pay bonuses for constructive criticism. Such a company would be ideal for lateral thinkers."

"Killing" is the final stage of bullying

What Frieder Böhme advises victims of bullying and bossing who come to him for advice is always highly individual. "That depends, for example, on the structure of the company, the type of bullying, the level of bullying and the personal impact," says the consultant. But if the situation has already escalated completely, its tendency is clear. "Killing" is the name given to the highest level of bullying. "It ends in the hospital, in psychiatry or in the cemetery," says Frieder Böhme warningly. He would never let it get that far. "No job in the world is worth ruining your health completely. When victims no longer sleep well or are afraid, when after work, weekend and vacation are no longer enough to relax, then the point has come when" enduring " is no longer an option, "he says.

In an emergency, to the family doctor

After Mia got a stomach ache every day before work, she went to the family doctor. He diagnosed an intestinal inflammation, she first wrote sick. "The gap helped me to assess the situation correctly," says Mia today. "I almost forgot that as a nurse I was urgently needed in many hospitals." Frieder Böhmer also believes that distance is a good idea. "In a new context, in a different setting, those affected often regain confidence in themselves and their own perception," he says. And in the end that is the best protection against bullying in the workplace.

The 5-point plan for bossing victims

1. Check the level of suffering and decide on a path: Do I want to endure, flee or fight?

2. Look for help for the chosen path. Dear colleagues help with enduring, personnel agencies help with fleeing and works councils, bullying advisors or lawyers help with fighting. It is important to seek help that does not turn an emergency into huge business. "An initial consultation should always be free of charge," says Frieder Böhmer.

3. Strengthen your own awareness. Sometimes a consultation in a recruitment agency can work wonders for self-confidence. One should not underestimate the value of one's own labor. Because that makes employees popular victims of bossing.

4th. No matter which path you choose, as soon as you suspect you are a bossing victim, you should keep a bullying journal. Briefly note conversations / incidents and witnesses present there. This helps your own perception, but also advisers or in court.

5. Always listen carefully to yourself take care of yourself and rethink your own strategy. Do I still have the strength to fight? Does the condition affect my health? Do I have ways to escape? What do I need? Is it all worth it

Victims of bullying and bossing can find help here:

Advice centers in Germany