BRIGITTE.de reader Simone (31) led a life in the fast lane. Then the diagnosis of breast cancer changes everything: Simone loses her job, her partner and friends. But instead of despairing, she rediscovers herself.
My tree of life
The tree is the symbol of my fate: If it wants to survive the winter, it throws off everything it no longer needs. It retreats into itself, only to bloom again in spring and reveal its full splendor.
Hair, fingernails, parts of my life – I too have shed everything so that I can concentrate on my inner self and develop it anew. The diagnosis of breast cancer uprooted my life, my boyfriend and I separated, and I lost my job. Every branch of my previous life was cut off by this disease.
It may sound stupid, but today I am very grateful to my breast cancer.
Trees sense changes
I was a successful fashion manager and in a happy relationship when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at just 30 years old. I owe my life to my intuition and self-confidence in the face of an arrogant professor who just wanted to send me home. But I insist on a punch biopsy and stand my ground against his harsh rebuff. The devastating result of “breast cancer” reached me a few days later while on vacation.
My boyfriend promises to always be there for me. He doesn’t know what to expect yet – unlike me, because I lost my mother to cancer.
Uprooted
It is a hormone-related breast cancer. When I was young, I was prescribed the pill without hesitation, and I also lacked awareness and knowledge about the harmful influence of hormonal loads in food and cosmetics.
While the doctors think the results of my breast-conserving surgery are wonderful, I can’t share their enthusiasm – but that’s in the eye of the beholder. Little by little I’m getting used to the sight of my “new” breasts, they’re now part of me.
When I visit my boyfriend one weekend, with scars on his body, weak and no hair, he can’t even hold me in his arms. I feel infinitely empty, hurt and robbed of my femininity.
Listen to whispering leaves
Due to the diagnosis, I have to take time for myself and change a few things in my life. Above all, I am changing myself. I used to know my professional goals, but I never really felt within myself. Now I start to open my soul and listen to myself. They are very quiet sounds, like the whispering of the leaves in the trees.
My life in the fast lane with a 60 to 80 hour week and the corresponding lifestyle of a career woman no longer exists. As difficult as it is for me at first, I gradually realize that I enjoy the new peace and thoughtfulness and that I no longer want to be without it, even if my life picks up a little more momentum again.
Putting down new roots
Despite my scars, the loss of my beautiful long hair and all the other profound changes, I have learned one thing above all: to love myself. It was only during my therapy that I truly became aware of how little my previous life had to do with self-care, how many of my actions were self-destructive and not good for me.
Since my diagnosis, I have been eating everything that promotes healthy cell growth and going outdoors every day to fill my cells with fresh oxygen.
Slowly the awareness of the beauty of life returns and my strength comes back. Before my diagnosis, I didn’t consciously notice the seasons and certainly didn’t feel any happiness for the small and large gifts of nature. Now I see everything differently: the scenery has come to life.
The beauty of my tree of life
My most valuable insight is that spending time with myself makes me happy and fulfilling. I realized that taking care of myself is not egoism, but self-love.
The cancer will always be there. But it’s not him that determines my life, it’s me, because now I know that I’m stronger. Sure, I have visible spots on my body, water retention and scars – but they are scars that tell my life story and redefine my beauty. For a few months now I have had a new friend who constantly reminds me to live in the here and now. He loves the forest just like me, together we can hug trees, talk and be silent.
Things have become quieter in my everyday working life; I only work part-time. I now have time for my hobbies, my friends and family. I consciously allocate this time and enjoy it. Yes, things have changed a lot. But everything is fine the way it is.
A storm gives trees stronger roots. My roots have also become stronger, I now know that nothing will knock me down so easily. The branches of my life have grown new shoots, the buds are bursting open in all their splendor and beginning to bloom. It makes me happy and grateful to see the unexpected beauty my tree of life grows into.
Reading tip: Simone wrote her story in the book “LebensHerodin!” – YOU are the heroine of your life” – together with 20 other women between the ages of 24 and 60. They talk about their very personal healing path and how they managed a new start after breast cancer treatment with courage, strength and self-care (Berg & Feierabend, 26 euros).
The Union Life heroine! e.V brought the book to life. Anyone who would like to support the association in its important work can donate here: www.paypal.com/paypalme/lebensheldin.