After Meghan and Harry's Oprah interview, the gap among the British royals seems bigger than ever and possibly insurmountable. But is there really no more chance that the family will find their way back together? We asked a psychologist for his assessment.
The prince who, like his father, falls in love with a non-noblewoman. The dream wedding with a beaming bride and groom in front of millions of people – and a royal family. What looked like a beautiful fairy tale that came true in 2018 has appeared like an illusion at least since the appearance and revelations of Meghan and Harry at Oprah Winfrey. And the unity of the British royal family, which was already broken when the couple left and moved to the USA, seems irrevocably destroyed.
More than a media scandal
On the one hand, we are currently experiencing a historical scandal. On the other hand, relationships with which we can all identify are crumbling before our eyes: the connection between two brothers, a father-son relationship, the relationship between two sisters-in-law and friends – a family that stands for unity and solidarity suddenly shattered and fissured. This should not only affect people who are interested in the British royal family, but also raise the question in most of us: What's next? And: Can those affected ever find their way back together?
We talked about it with "Max", a psychologist who answers questions about relationships, family and self-discovery on his website under a pseudonym. "Basically, the human relationships of people you don't know personally are difficult to judge from the outside, as is the case with the royals," explains the psychologist. Those involved in a relationship always know best what the relationship is like – and not their friends, hairdressers, cooks or servants.
Two factors determine the chance for reconciliation
In general, however, the chance of getting along again after a violent argument depends largely on two factors, according to the experts:
- The "strength" of the relationship
- and the conflict resolution skills of those involved.
The "strength" of a relationship depends, for example, on how long two people have known each other, whether they are related to one another, how binding both are held together by an official formality (e.g. spouse), which problems they have already mastered together or how deep the trust in one another is. However, the psychologist emphasizes that all of these factors work differently in different relationships. There are siblings who have known each other for a lifetime and yet do not have a strong bond. On the other hand, friends who have only known each other for two years may already have established a crisis-proof relationship.
So in relation to the royals: Even if we all thought from the outside that Harry and William, as brothers who have already been through so much together, will surely pull themselves together again and reunite the family, there could in truth be a much greater chance for reconciliation lie in the bond that Meghan and Kate have tied together in recent years. In any case, in the interview Meghan spoke comparatively positively about Kate …
According to the psychologist, the second factor in dealing with a dispute, conflict resolution skills, results primarily from one's own experience in dealing with conflicts. "For example, if I have seen in the past that conflicts with others are difficult to resolve, in the future I will react to a dispute by breaking off contact rather than trying to reconcile," explains the expert.
It is certainly difficult to assess how the royals are able to resolve conflicts. But one thing is certain: Neither resignations nor the settlement of conflicts in public have occurred super often in the history of the British royal family, at least not with the people currently involved – what Harry and Meghan are currently doing is, at least in this style, something new. And that's not bad per se …
What is there to hope for?
Even if the gap between Harry and Meghan and the rest of the family currently seems large and full of lava: According to our expert, there is hope for reconciliation also or even after a long time and distance between those involved: "Only because two people meet after a conflict Do not come close again immediately, that does not mean that a relationship has broken off forever, "he says." It often takes time for the emotions on both sides to cool down a bit. People typically react to injury with anger, which prevents reconciliation. Sometimes we only notice after a while that behind the anger there are usually completely different feelings such as sadness or disappointment.
In addition, according to the psychologist, drastic changes could induce those involved to leave an argument behind. "For example, it is not uncommon for a father who, at the start of retirement and the lack of professional stress, realizes that he misses his son more than he would have admitted," he says, "reinforcing the father's desire for one Reconciliation could also be the manageable remaining lifetime. " Maybe the upcoming birth of Harry and Meghan's daughter will have a positive effect on the royal family relations – or maybe a sadder event …
The cards are on the table – what now?
Could the Oprah interview in general have been the necessary step to resolve the conflict once and for all? Could it have been right that Harry and Meghan put the cards face up on the table? "There is no general answer to whether open discussions are generally good," says the expert. "There are relationships in which conflicts are repressed for decades and in which everyone involved gets along relatively well. If a conflict is revealed, it comes to a big argument in which no reconciliation is possible – for example because of the lack of conflict resolution skills. At the same time, however, there are also relationships that it helps enormously when conflicts are discussed openly, because that offers the chance of clarification and a fresh start. "
The special burden of the royals
Of course, the Royal Family differs from all other families in that it is in public and has to fulfill a highly representative function and that it is bound by a tight system of traditions and etiquette. Those involved cannot begin to act as freely and intuitively as we do with injuries and conflicts. When royalty reports that they are sorry about how much Harry and Meghan suffered in England, there may be sincere regrets – or intent to limit the damage to the family's reputation and reputation.
As it stands, only time can tell whether Harry and William, Charles and Harry, Meghan and Kate and whoever else in the British royal family is currently quarreling will find each other again. Because even if the story of Harry and Meghan started like a fairy tale: How it ends is completely open, since people with real feelings and sensitivities are involved, despite etiquette, traditions and high nobility titles.