We know burnout: burn out, collapse. But there is also the feeling of always somehow continuing to burn with the last ounce of strength, and that too has a name: burn-on. How do you manage to dim the flame?
Where is the exit? Can I please get out of my life right now? This thought shot into my head, stopped like a barrier and blocked all further thinking. how can i escape become invisible. Mentally go to a far away place and hope no one finds me.
The crisis had piled up for months. A death in the family, funeral, house clearance, discussions. My son in elementary school. A partner who was more absent than supportive. My job. The mountain of unfinished tasks grew. I became irritable, small talk stressed me out. Anger rolled over me, anger at me, anger at the others who supposedly want to steal my time.
Difficulty concentrating crept in. I forgot appointments, had to stick post-its on doors and closets, “like an old lunatic,” I thought. And: “I hope nobody calls.” I was even afraid of the e-mail inbox. After all, there could be something in there that required immediate action – and I wouldn’t be able to.
Just keep working
Of course I thought of burnout, also because my friend Svenja had had a breakdown shortly before. But I was still standing. And shouldn’t I have had physical symptoms for burnout? Heart palpitations, high blood pressure, tinnitus or back pain, for example. But my body stayed strong. Sometimes I almost wished he would finally pull the ripcord for me. Then everyone would see that it was no longer possible, and I would really be forced to change something – or first of all: simply to do nothing. But I kept going, it worked.
This feeling of always being on the verge of being hit has recently had a name: Burn-on, i.e. continue to burn instead of burning out. The namesake is the psychiatrist Professor Bert te Wildt and the psychologist Timo Schiele from the psychosomatic clinic in the Dießen monastery on Lake Ammer. In their book, they describe the well-known burnout as the acute form of exhaustion depression, while burn-on syndrome is the chronic variant that has so far remained hidden, individually and collectively.
Almost ten percent of adults in Germany fall ill with some form of depression in the course of a year. Specific figures are still missing for burn-on. But quite a few will be able to find themselves in this description: “Being in burn-on means being permanently under tension between two poles. This is a state that can be compared to doing the balancing act over an abyss – a regrettable, quite painful one and frightening condition.”
Burn-on and burn-out – what’s the difference?
When you burn out, you fall. With a burn-on you stay on top, but with incredible effort. Te Wildt and Schiele describe this balancing act between, on the one hand, dogged optimism, because one achieves so much, functions and is recognized for it. And on the other hand dull joylessness, because so much energy is used up for this act. Comparable to a gymnast who remains in the same position endlessly until the muscles burn at some point.
If you ignore this feeling, you can end up in the abyss. Just like my friend Svenja: The trigger for her was constant professional stress and a supervisor who overwhelmed her with tasks that did not belong to her area of work – while at the same time fearing losing her job: “In the evenings I felt like I had run a marathon. My heart was beating fast the skullcap, shortness of breath, sweating and a spiral of thoughts that you can’t get out of. Like a whirlpool that pulls you down inexorably.” And then at some point the total crash: “I was on my way to get a pedicure. An appointment I was really looking forward to. In the middle of the street I suddenly had a crying fit and couldn’t stop.” Her family doctor assured her on the phone that he would give her sick leave immediately. A few weeks later, she quit her job to get well.
Maybe her example also helped me to get the curve in time. And a friend who advised a mother-child cure. Even the thought of this time-out just for me and the boy suddenly shone brightly like an “exit” sign, finally an exit, finally a sense of vitality again, anticipation. “Then I just don’t work,” I thought.
learn to slow down
During the treatment, I slowly began to become aware of my body. For months before, I’d carried it around like an old battered backpack. Yoga, meditation – of course I was no stranger to these things. After all, today they are part of a modern lifestyle; they didn’t help me in the long term. Bert te Wildt and Timo Schiele make similar observations in their clinical practice: Burn-on sufferers also plan their free time meticulously and organize their private lives as tightly as they do a job. They use relaxation methods, but only to regain strength for work and to be able to continue rotating – and not to really switch off or even to end up with themselves.
Sport was now on the program several times a day in the clinic: Pilates, fascia training, beach workout, power gym. How wonderful, there were muscles! They give me strength and they can carry me: that was a resounding aha moment. I also perceived signals of the body more refined: Anger in my stomach, constricted throat, swollen eyes, unable to cry – I had ignored all this, now I gave these symptoms meaning to find out what bothers me.
This was followed by the separation from the partner and father of the child. Demarcation became my subject. Who does well, who robs energy? I slowly found my way back to myself, shopped for new clothes, cleared out the house, had been wearing nail polish again for years: very simple things to beautify, whose mood-enhancing effect I had completely forgotten.
Burn-on is also a disease of our time, write Te Wildt and Schiele. Success at work, a happy family, a fulfilling social life with friends and hobbies plus a well-kept digital identity – we want to achieve everything and in the process alienate ourselves further and further from our personal values and goals.
How are the others?
In the meantime, I’m wondering whether everyone is somehow stuck in burn-on. I can’t think of anyone of working age who goes through life completely relaxed – at least not in Germany. Pressure to perform and the desire for recognition at all levels seem to be deeply rooted in our society. These unattainable ideals can actually make you ill.
My own burn-on is more than just my individual problem; understanding this is both relieving and painful. The authors write that they wish for “pause” – a collective acknowledgment of the need for breaks. This cannot be achieved immediately, but if more and more people implement it clearly and visibly for themselves, the spark may jump over and one can hope for a contagion effect.
Mindfulness also plays a role in the therapy approach of the burn-on experts. Do your actions align with your own values? Which areas of life are important and how much time and importance are given to them? “Anyone who knows their personal values and can derive coherent goals from them and integrate them into their lives becomes happier, more resistant and can almost automatically deal with crises better,” say the authors. This also includes the ability to reflect, in order not to be controlled by other people’s expectations, but to put one’s own ego first.
Sounds simple, but when it comes to consistent implementation, I keep stumbling. What stands in the way: the pursuit of perfection and the perceived pressure of expectations from outside. In this respect, my burn-on continues, but I manage to dim the flame more and more often. I can release myself sometimes. Tasks and requirements don’t disappear, but I can develop an attitude towards them: Does that really matter? Can I set the pace myself? I practice saying no. To things, people, distractions. It takes effort, but more I comes into my life. I’d like to let it in.
For further reading:
Bert te Wildt and Timo Schiele, “Burn On. Always on the verge of burn out. The unrecognized suffering and what helps against it” (Droemer, 295 p., 20 euros)
Monica Dittombee was very pleased that she didn’t have a fixed deadline for this text as usual – but only the task of completing it in a relaxed manner.