can we vibrate all our life?

There are loves that are built over the days, and others that start with fireworks and set their protagonists ablaze. However, can passionate love, which love lovers fantasize about, last a lifetime?

Some love stories have been built on long-lasting friendships that have gradually seen strong and sweet feelings emerge. But, in most cases, romantic relationships are born from the meeting of two individuals who attract and bond, feeling strong feelings arise which, in the first chapter of their story, makes them experience love said passion. But what is special about this love that has fascinated men and women for a long time?

What do we call "passionate love"?

Before everyday life and joint projects transform the ardor of the beginnings into a less burning type of feeling, lovers experience passionate love. From cinematic love at first sight to devouring attraction, the heart then experiences, to varying degrees of course, disturbances that seriously push it out of its comfort zone.
In these moments of the crystallization of love, as the relationship between two beings is formed, the desire is often intense. Men or women, the protagonists then describe a permanent desire or at least much more frequent than subsequently to make love with their partner, in order to merge completely with the object of their affection, even of their obsession, of which they no longer know how to manage the attraction it arouses in them. This gives rise to an impression of dependence on others, as if without them you were no longer truly yourself. a strange state that makes you feel unique, and where reason is silent for a moment, letting the only emotions embrace the world around.
At the center of thoughts, of all conversations, the loved one occupies all the space. During this phase of passionate attraction of the relationship – a year and a half according to some experts, three years for Beigbeder – the entourage of lovers can feel set apart, as the new passion takes place in the lives of cupid targets. "We are then in Eros," explains Véronique Kohn, psychotherapist and psychologist specializing in couples. Or, according to the reading of the Greeks and their degrees of love, more in the ‘possessing, taking, grabbing an object that escapes us, since we are still at that time in insecurity. And we project on the man or the woman on whom our choice fell a romantic ideal, as if it would correspond to us totally. But, there are obviously blind areas. "
Does this mean that passionate love necessarily leaves room for disillusion?

Can passionate love last a long time?

Classically, when two beings decide to spend their life together, and after twenty years of living together, it is rare that they throw themselves (man or woman) on each other in the evening after a day's work, the metro , shopping at the supermarket and the children becoming silent as hairs grew all over them. But then, does this mean that passionate love would only be accessible to neo-lovers, and therefore programmed, like an ephemeral butterfly to fly for a few hours, to mate and die quickly with the feeling of duty accomplished? "No, some couples manage to maintain passionate love, reassures Véronique Kohn. But perhaps by putting the cursor a little lower, and by maintaining this insecurity. Couples who admire each other succeed. There are also those who get into impossible loves. Who go back and forth, are in the 'I love you, I'm leaving you', or are in a relationship for a long time with someone married, therefore inaccessible. In 'classic' couples, it's often people who bicker and reconcile in bed. Passionate love often has to do with sexuality and desire. "
Long-term passionate love would therefore be reserved for those who, consciously or not, constantly upset the balance of a couple's harmony to scare each other, or at least to feel strong sensations, other emotions not being for them. synonymous with boredom. But in this permanent insecurity, can we feel real pleasure? "Yes, you can be happy in passionate love," says the expert. But only if we talk a lot. And don't let the other go through hell … "

Can passion be constructive?

Because if it is not uncommon for passion and destruction to be associated, it is because many, to maintain this fragile flame of the first moments, use stratagems – consciously or not – which can turn out to be toxic. And among them, jealousy and possessiveness quickly switch to a love that is sometimes no longer one. "Passionate love often goes hand in hand with violence," explains Véronique Kohn. But when the person puts himself in danger or endangers the other, we are more in neurotic behavior than in love. This emerges from the pathology. The term crime of passion ’, for example, would never be adopted today. There may have been a time when we idealized love, because marriages were arranged, we dreamed of it, and it was inaccessible to us, since we had no choice of partner. So, we could almost dream of dying of love, like Romeo and Juliet. But that's not it, passion. "When passionate love becomes harmful, even devastating, and to give yourself a chance, it is good to consider working on yourself with a professional, or couple therapy, in order to regulate these breaths that keep our pair. in balance. Sometimes the breakup, inevitable even when passionate love still seems alive, brings an end to a story that has become toxic.

Can passionate love fall on us at any age?

Like Shakespeare's heroes, it is often the younger ones who, in the collective imagination, are more likely to encounter passionate love (which they would abandon as adults, and therefore boring reasonable). Greater propensity to wonder, candor in love, liveliness of the beginnings (of life), one would indeed understand that age and experience shower candidates for hot love. And yet, according to the expert, it is not (hurray). “Of course even seniors can really fall in love passionately. Meetings like this happen at any age. On the other hand, it "falls" more often on those who are not afraid (of falling into love, of suffering). But when we let the eternal adolescent (the puer aeternus, archetype of Young) who is in us speak, he is there ". So it is with "artichoke hearts", always in search of these sensational vibrations, which rush like novices with each new story, without hesitating to give their all.
Others, on the other hand, are conditioned, sometimes from an early age, not to "sink" into that love. Locked in, they move forward in love life with a shell that keeps them away from the danger of this passion that they sometimes express through sexuality. This restraint of the heart may have set in as a result of severe trauma or disappointed love that made them cautious about great feelings.
Because passionate love, if it can "fall on us" at any age, will only be born if we decide to give it a chance.