Can you still live under one roof after the separation? Not a good idea. Which no one would have voluntarily – if it weren't for the economy and those who refuse to separate.
I have children who have long ceased to be children, they are between their mid-twenties and their mid-thirties. If someone wants to show interest, I am asked, "The oldest is a son?" – "No, my daughter." – "And is she in a committed relationship?" – "Yes, she has been with her boyfriend for a while." And then the crucial question always comes up: "Do you already live together?"
Two lives become one
As soon as a couple lives together, they are perceived as firmly connected. Marriage certificate or no marriage certificate – that we are a couple is sealed by the shared apartment. That is understandable. Because only here do we give up our own space and become dependent on the difficult we. Two lives become one. And we face the enemies of lust and love – namely everyday life and habit – in order to find security.
It is with a heavy heart that we leave our cat in the shared apartment because our loved one is asthmatic. We forego, make compromises and develop a world full of small common rituals that unite us. Who goes to the bathroom first, where we stack our shoes. And then life goes unplanned and we part again. And suddenly realize that it is not that easy for us.
Real estate has long served more as an investment than the deeply human need to have a roof over your head and a few protective walls around you. The living space that average earners can afford is correspondingly expensive and scarce, especially in cities. So more and more separated couples continue to live together. And then their separation is stopped.
Truth and clarity after the breakup
Those who have just been separated live in a state of emergency. As a survivor of a gigantic emotional earthquake. We have to come to ourselves, process it, find ourselves anew. But the presence of the ex-partner means there is no room to breathe a sigh of relief, to grieve or to rage. Not to mention the space for potential new partners or just one-night stands. Instead of the inevitable end with pain and horror, there is horror without end. Hostility, anger, vengeance, sadness and despair that we need to stop so as not to piss each other off.
Emptiness and depression, because we get stuck with our feelings. On the wall are the cut up wedding photos. And longings that revive again and again, which may have led to the fact that we still live together anyway. Because one or one of the two refuses to separate, does not look for an apartment on pretexts and thus takes the relationship hostage.
Seldom is a couple so relieved to be separated that the long-lost harmony suddenly breaks out. More often, the children should keep their homes and no one wants to give up the wonderful life they share with them. But the children need truth and clarity. And the unconscious burden of being responsible for mom and dad's unhappy lives weighs on them. And so in all cases: If you are apart, move out. Equal. Immediately.
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