Whether we do something or not mostly has to do with our emotions. We often stand in our own way, even though we actually know what we want. But if we learn to understand our feelings better, we may be able to resolve the chaos within us.
Figuring out what we’re feeling right now and why it’s blocking us can be difficult. Even when we know what we’re feeling, we tend to analyze everything and break it down into small pieces. But it would be better to first find the origin of the feeling and work on it before we burden ourselves with other things. Because otherwise we will not learn to understand ourselves, to communicate what is going on inside us and what occupies us.
Emotions and feelings are often used interchangeably. In neuroscience, however, the two differ: emotions as unconscious reactions of our body to situations – and feelings as something that we experience consciously. But both are responsible for our actions, and as they do so, they are constantly changing.
what do we usually do Once we think we’ve identified an emotion, we often dissect our inner state of mind down to the smallest detail. Until we think we know why we feel what we feel. But most of the time the spiral of thoughts does not lead to a positive outcome, but rather to the opposite.
In the process of rethinking, we tend to come to the conclusion that our feelings are not justified and that we should feel differently. These accusations then create new feelings that continue to overshadow the actual problem. We respond to these additional feelings that arise, and we reflect and form opinions on them as well. According to the psychologist, these six steps can help to find out what really concerns us – without getting lost:
1. We feel feelings
It sounds obvious, but it often isn’t. We know how it feels when we run against the edge of the bed tired in the morning or have eaten too much with friends in the evening. These are feelings that we know and can judge at the moment they happen. But just because we’ve always reacted and felt a certain way doesn’t mean it’s always like that. In similar situations we can also feel differently.
Let’s take the edge of the bed: one day it’s just a slight brush, we’re annoyed by it, but it doesn’t hurt us that much – other times we mostly feel the pain – and still other times we might just be angry because it happened to us again Feelings are not fixed parts of our body like an arm or a leg. They are a process in our nervous system that is constantly being recreated and reconstructed. That’s why we never literally feel the same way we did yesterday or just a few minutes ago. We feel the same way, but what we are feeling is what we are only feeling in this very moment and it is what is going on inside us at that very moment.
2. Feelings are deeply embedded in us
How we feel has something to do with our evolution. With how the human brain came into being millions of years ago. It should be clear to us that feelings existed before modern language and were therefore completely wordless for a long time. Perhaps that is one reason why we still find it difficult to find the right words even today.
Our feelings are disembodied sensations that can express themselves in different ways. Their aim is to signal to us what is important in our minds. We can feel these things in our body: When we are heartbroken, we feel the heartache in our chest. When we are angry, we may tremble. We feel our hands, arms and shoulders tighten, for example, or our facial muscles contract in a certain way.
But we also feel softer, less conscious feelings in the body. We’re just not really used to noticing them and taking care of them. Because our thoughts like to get in the way. They interpret the signals and tell us what we are feeling and why. Unfortunately, they don’t always hit the mark.
3. Feelings lose out in the race with our thoughts
When our hearts race because we see someone we like – or are happy because our friend is coming by with her cute dog. Then it seems to us that the feelings and our reactions come before the thoughts. But feelings are actually slower than thoughts. Before we feel our reactions, the feelings first have to get past our thoughts.
This is also due to evolution. Back then, it was often about fleeing or fighting: whether a situation is dangerous, whether we can defend ourselves, run away or get involved in it, that is determined by the feelings about our thoughts. However, these evolutionarily shaped feelings only make up a small part of our everyday life. But we feel them quickly and intensely – and we assume that other feelings are similar to them.
But with normal feelings that have nothing to do with life or death decisions, the process is slower. Feeling and identifying deeper feelings therefore takes longer. To do this, we first have to look past the clutter of thoughts and concentrate on our inner feelings.
4. Your body shows you what you are feeling
We have already mentioned that we feel with the body. But: We didn’t know that these physical sensations can often be felt in the middle of the body. That means: What you feel often expresses itself as a feeling in your chest, stomach or abdomen. Of course, sometimes feelings can also constrict your throat, or your eyes may feel like you might cry at any moment. These reactions are quite instinctive. There are also expressions like: Feeling heavy – and that too is a feeling. Most of the time, such feelings settle on our chests.
Conversely, we can also have the feeling that someone is taking the burden off our shoulders. This image often feels literal in our bodies. Because feelings can also appear as images that our brain uses to process what we have experienced. We can feel these images. Of course, these bodily sensations and images do not remain as they first appear to us. As its meaning becomes clearer to us, we move on to the next step.
5. Find words for feelings
Many of us have heard of the six basic emotions research has identified: joy, sadness, fear, anger, surprise, and disgust. These six basic emotions create facial expressions that people universally recognize everywhere. However, other researchers found that that was not all. Because real feelings have different gradations with different intensities. Sadness, anger or joy can come in many different forms – and we can have more than one feeling at the same time. Here is a selection:
- I feel happy or content.
- I feel lonely or lost.
- I feel anxious, panicked, or worried.
- I feel moved or touched by something.
- I feel safe or insecure.
- I feel disgusted or uncomfortable.
Feelings often start in the body without words before we find the right words – and when we do, they are often simple.
6. Find true feelings
Our body is programmed to give us feedback about our sensations. These signals usually come from places in our body where the feeling is lodged, such as your chest. The signal may be weak at first because the neurological connections are not fully established. But it is there. When we identify what we are feeling, we can check it against the place where it is occurring. Are we correct? Have we discovered the emotion that concerns us? Our body will give us the answer. Before it sounds like a resounding “yes, that’s it” to us, it takes a bit of practice.
When we manage to see our emotions clearly, life becomes easier. Feelings that fall out of the inner body feeling are mostly caused by our racing thoughts. Often they even stay longer than the original feeling that occupied us. We should clean up with that and not let these other feelings overwhelm us.
Instead, if we manage to address unresolved feelings and admit them to ourselves, then we free them from the blockage. Free from the feelings that were just a by-product, you can move, change, and show us the solution. The core is letting go of old stories and scripts and daring to feel and talk about the feelings within us.
Source: Psychology Today